This statement had many follow on reactions in me.
1. I'd always thought I'd have heaps of kids, the first at age 27.
2. I had been with my partner, at the time, for quite a number of years and always thought we'd fill the world with love and our own very tall blue eyed children.
3. Does this mean I can't have babies?
4. Does this mean I'll adopt?
5. Does this mean I'll be that awesome parent that other teenagers like hanging out with because their own parents are just not any good?
About 3 years later, after the end of that relationship and at the end of my second lot of university, I decided that the Oracle had said this as I was in fact destined to be a teacher. I would be more of a parent to other people's children because I was going to be the best damned Media teacher, next to my mentor, that ever there was.
And then, 3 years after that, at aged 27, mind, I found myself in a very new relationship, with a man I adored, and we both were faced with the surprise situation of there being a baby for both of us. Ultimately, this situation was too much for our relationship and also then for the man that I had adored, but the bean sized critter was there. And I was faced with the choice of having a little person by myself or continuing on the way I always had. Pondering whether this was going to be the only time that my belly was going to be able to grow babies in it, because I was 27 and pregnant and the book said I would be more of a parent to other people's babies. But there was a bean. And the book said.
And then there was The Bean.
But had I not received that Oracle. Had I not, at the time, and then again, time after time, believed what it had said, my life, as we all know it, could be a completely different place.
And as Back to the Future III and Terminator II tells us, no one's future is set. There is no fate but what we make. We choose our own destinies.
I was just out of being a teenager and I was worrying about my potential for babies. I was a Wiccan for about 7 months. I don't believe that a book could know what's going to happen in my life. A book that isn't even a person, and I do tend to believe that the veils of time and death and life and intuition can be thinner for some people that for others, but honestly, a book?
But without that book.
Without that book I might not have a job that I love. I might, in fact, hate going to work every day. At the moment, and all of today in fact, I SHOULD have been marking VCE work. I didn't. I hung out with my mum. I hung out with my son. We planted pumpkin seeds, chili seeds, a few dead potatoes from the back of the cupboard and a squishy beetroot from the vegetable crisper and covered them all with worm juice (the DISGUSTINGLY stinky watery fertilizer stuff that comes out of the bottom of our worm farm). Right now, I could be marking, but I'm not. I'm writing, which I haven't done for weeks. After I've finished writing I'm going to watch an episode of Mad Men. Tomorrow I will probably feel guilty and stressed because I haven't done my marking. Because school starts back tomorrow. Because my year 12s are about to start exams. Because I'm supposed to be a good teacher. Because I have to be a good parent to the ones that aren't mine, too.
And without that book.
I wouldn't get to draw the heads (I'm not any good at drawing bodies) of dinosaurs/dragons on the driveway in chalk. I might not have been able to be proud of a 4 year old who shouts at a tree because he's just so angry. I might not get to laugh at his quirks and his hilarious calls. I might not have all the fairy lights in my house, even though they make me happy, I believe they also make him calm. I might not have a picture on the fridge of me and my son and my house and his name. My son that has not ever liked drawing or writing. My son whose brain doesn't work the same way as everyone else's. My son who is all mine.
Without that book, and Back to the Future III and Terminator II, all this could've been someone else's. Or nobody's. And that would have been the most tragic story I'd ever heard...
Things The Bean has said: (It's a LONG one!)
1. Reaching all limbs up around his neck/head/shoulders region.
TB: Mama, this is your back bit. It's very hard to reach it and scratch it.
2. Picks up a cup of water I'd just put on the bench for him
TB: Mama, is this
water safe for drinking? 3.
Me (from the other room): Will you put those cars away please?
TB: Will you stop being a big mother dragon just for a minute?!
4. Playing cars TB: Whoah Mama, did you see that? It was riveting!
5. After a breakfast of four vita brits and a banana
TB: Do you have ice cream?
Me: No, and you're not having ice cream now anyway. You can have an apple if you're still hungry.
TB: No, I don't want an apple. I'll just think about what I want. (starts to walk away).
Me: No, actually, I think I'll decide what you can have thanks, 'cause who am I?
TB: The Mama.
Me: And?
TB: The teacher.
Me: And the boss.
TB: Um, no, I'll just think about what I want and I'll get back to you.
6. After Rock Band (a music lesson group thing for little people who have Rockin' parents!)
TB: I don't like the drums anymore. It gives me a headache in my head and
my brain and my eye brows and inside myself. I only like the red guitar.7. Asperger's kicks in.
TB: I can't eat out of a yellow bowl.
8. Listening to the Buena Vista Social Club soundtrack
Me: Hear this music? It's from a place called Cuba. We're going to go there one day, maybe in a bout two years. Do you wanna go there and listen to this music?
TB: Oh, I dunno, I don't work.
9.
TB: But why?
Me: 'Cause.
TB: Not "'cause", Mama, it's 'BECAUSE'!
10. Gastro Part I
TB: Vomit is not my favourite and it's not my best.
11. Gastro Part II
TB: Do these clothes go in the basket now because they smell like breakfast.
12. Gastro Part III
TB: I had to put my hand on my tummy and my hand on my mouth so I couldn't spew everywhere.
13. Gastro Part IV (Actually, vomits IN the toilet)
TB: Look, Mama, I WIN!!!
14.
TB: Mama, the ornitholestes is saying this to the diplodocus, "I'm the baddest dinosaur!"
15.
TB: I'm going to tell you how to eat Basghetti. You pick up your fork and you EAT IT! Bwahahahahahahaha!!!
