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The Jelly Bean is a fairly super cool human being. We all know this, me included/especially, however, sometimes I am surprised and awed by just how cool. Just how encouraging. Just how amazing this dude actually continues to be.
I don't compare the Bean to others. Clarification, I try not to do so. I guess sometimes a diagnosis of one form or another, allows parents to just let their kids be, to allow their kids to find what it is that they want to do, some parents do this anyway. Some parents choose not to believe or allow a diagnosis to get in the way. Some people, parents and the diagnosed, use the diagnosis as an excuse for not trying, or as a boost to try harder.
I'm not really sure which one we fit into.
In some ways, on some days, I'm both. The Jelly Bean is both.
I am not judging or assuming I understand anyone else's journey or path or decisions. Most often, I don't even understand my own.
All I know is that one particular Bean who happens to be my particular off spring, who may also have a diagnosis of something that may or may not allow people to 'let him be' or accept his behaviour or push him further has taught me to check out each situation for what it is. To figure it all out a day at a time. To learn from difficulties. And often to make similar mistakes over and over.
But in saying all of that, confusing and vague as it all feels (and I wrote it), my Bean is surprising and cool.
I've said that already, haven't I?
I'm proud because in the past two weeks he has:
- received his class' Student of the Week award. It was awarded to him for "always concentrating and being kind to his classmates"
- communicated that he is "responsible" for feeding his cat and ACTUALLY spelled and wrote 'my' and 'cat' unaided.
- received one of only six 'Principal's Award' stickers distributed by the principal at his school for writing 'my' and 'cat'
- played with new friends
- made up new games with his new friends
- calmed himself down when a metldown was imminent
- read three books with little assistance
- learned all twelve of his current list of new words
But I was, in fact, the MOST proud when he put on goggles, ear plugs and a special head band (in protecting his grommet ears) and swam in the ocean for ages AND the next day, jumped in and out of my friend's pool, swimming across the length for HOURS. Requesting, even, after dinner, to return to the pool.
This Bean has been so scared of water in the past couple of months, since returning from our holiday, that he wouldn't even put his feet in.
In some ways I'm nonplussed about the awards and accolades and stickers.
HE JUMPED IN THE WATER!! LOTS!!
Things The Bean has said:
1.
TB: If we didn't call is 'twenty second' it would be called 'twenty twoth'. Get it? Twoth - like your teeth?! Hahahahaha
2.
TB: Sometimes, I play with Crystal at school. She's my spare friend.
3.
TB: We have to wear a hat outside, Mama, otherwise we will get hit by sun bullets.
4
TB: A hurricane is not actually part of the sea, it does go round and round and round, but the water is going into a cloud. The hurricane is a cloud storm.
5.
TB: 'N' has Asperger's. 'Cause it always says no.
6.
TB: Evil Sharks have Asperger's 'cause they don't like prickly things.
7.
TB: I''m so glad that when I'm older and I finish school and have done all that hard work. I will be very tired but then I'll be a human.
8.
TB: I really think about stuff, Mama. I think about nature and the universe and I think about everything.
Me: Hahahahah
TB: Why is that funny?
Me: I dunno.
TB: Then don't laugh.
9. With his Aunty Lee bean-sitting.
AL: Did you wash your bottom and your dangle in the shower?
TB: Yes.... Um, I didn't actually wash my dangle properly.
AL: But your mama said you had to wash your dangle properly.
TB: Don't worry, I'll do it next shower.
10: David Attenborough is on the telly - I'm in the kitchen, listening but not watching..
DA talks about 'Shearwaters'.
Me: They're birds aren't they?
TB: Yeah, and they share the ocean with lots of other animals. That's why they're called shearwaters. See 'share'?
11.
TB: Pockets are fun aren't they?
Jelly Bean, for future reference...
Love.
1. Be aware, Not 'beware' but be aware. Be present. Know what it is that you do, what you choose, how you act, what you say, how you say it and for what purposes.
2. Close your eyes and breathe. At least once a day. Hear what is happening around you and empty the noise in your mind.
3. Be mindful. Always.
4. Be respectful. To yourself. To others. To the world around you.
5. Make choices for what you believe in, not for what others believe in.
6. Who cares what they think? It's your life.
7. Be kind when you can. Walk away when you can't.
8. Be sure to get outside, every single day. As often as you can. Have your skin in the sun. Your toes in the sand. Your naked body in the rain. Sit in the grass. Stand outside when it snows. Catch hail on your tongue. Listen to the wind in your ears. Breathe.
9. People will make their own decisions. Sometimes, often probably, you won't understand these decisions. But they are their choices. Respect them, even if you don't agree with them.
10. Never force people to do anything, through guilt, or for love, or with violence. If they don't do things of their own accord, you are not being respectful if you try to sway them. (See Advice #4)
11. Eat fresh food.
12. Avoid food additives and food that is processed. If your food can go bad, it is good for you. If it can't go bad, it is bad for you.
13. Avoid wasting food.
14. Avoid plastic whenever possible. Reuse it when you can't avoid it. Recycle it when you can't reuse it. There are so many options in avoiding plastic. Be mindful that every plastic item you throw away is on this planet longer than you are on this planet. Much, much longer.
15. Choose free range, organic, fair trade, fresh. As often as its available. Saving a little money on an item that isn't one or all of those things has more of a global impact than a few dollars would in your pocket.
16. Ensure you choose the people in your life that make you feel good. Soul suckers are everywhere and have many different guises. If you can't avoid these people, don't allow them the satisfaction of bringing you down to their sadness. They have no idea about Advice #1 or #4.
17. Constant happiness is just as weird as constant sadness. Aim for contentment. That way you will always be ok with whatever you have at the time. Sometimes you will be sad, sometimes you will be happy. It's just life, my love.
18. You have a great life.
19. Don't throw sand at others or into the wind. It will hurt eyes.
20. Do things that you love. Work in a job you love. Work part time and enjoy a balance in this life that you have been given. Money is much less important than time.
21. Money is MUCH less important than time.
22. Write a bucket list, not of things to do before you die, but of things to do while you're alive.
23. Travel to all of the places you want to see. See all the things that happen in those places. Don't be a tourist, be a traveller.
"The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see."
Gilbert K. Chesterton 1874-1936
"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page."
Saint Augustine 354-430
24. Offset your carbon emissions. Plant trees.
25. Listen to music that gives you goosebumps. Or gets you singing at the top of your lungs. Or makes you cry. Or makes you dance. Or chills you out. Or lets you sleep. Or helps you love.
26. Love.
27. When you fall in love, fall for the person, not the idea of having a person. They are real and need more than your adoration. As are you. As do you.
28. Making love should be just that. Be in the moment, enjoy every moment of the ride, so to speak, don't just aim for the destination. See advice #3.
29. Sometimes people will hurt you. Badly. More often they will hurt your soul than your body. Protect both, but not to the point of not letting anyone in. We all get hurt. We all hurt others. This is life. But love them, with all that you have. At least you can then say that you were true if the hurt comes.
30. The only person that is around for your entire life is you. Love yourself with as much passion and respect that you would expect from and for others.
31. Make sure you've got your back.
32. Material stuff does not make you more whole or more important.
33. Stand/Dance/Walk naked in the rain. Even if it's only in your own backyard.
34. Cooking is important. Learn how. Try new things. Nourish your body and your soul.
"Approach love and cooking with wreckless abandon."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
35. Understand that alcohol and drugs, though they may seem fun, have more of an impact on you than for the few hours that you're having fun. These things can hurt you, very much. Be careful, please.
36. Wear a condom.
37. You only have this one body. It's a pretty special thing. Love it. It took me ages to grow you.
38. Relationships are tricky. Sometimes trickier than others. Make sure that you are working as a team with your partner. A relationship is not a one way street. Be on the same page.
39. If you need to break up with someone, be brave. Be kind. But be honest. It's tough. I know you don't want to hurt anyone, but if the relationship is not right for you, you need to make sure that you let them know. See advice #4.
40. Walk around old buildings. Cemetaries. Gardens. Absorb the past around you.
41. You are who you are in this very moment in time. Your past is part of the story, but it does not need to define you. Let it go. The future is not set. Make your own luck, baby.
42. The boxes that others seem to need to tick off, in order to feel as though they have lived their lives or are successful, are cultural choices. They are not universal. You have the right to write your own boxes. Your own list. See advice #6, #20 and #22.
43. Create. Write, dream, film, photograph paint, sing, make music, dance, sculpt.
44. If you have children, see advice #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9 and #10.
45. Love your family, but appreciate that they are also human. They also make mistakes. They are not perfect. They will hurt you. You will hurt them But love them for who they are. As they love you.
46. Make sure you bathe.
47. Look after your teeth.
48. What other people say about you is more about them than it is about you. What other people think of you is none of your business.
49. Be open to the world around you. The people in it. Choose what is right for you, but see that there are different choices to be made.
"Your mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it's open."
Jordan Maxwell
50. Don't litter, ever.
51. Wash your hands but avoid anti-bacterial soaps. We are meant to get dirty and get clean, but avoiding all germs actually makes us sick.
52. Look after the earth and the beings on it. Walk gently. I know you already do this, but keep doing this. Help others to see how important this is. We have no where else to live. See advice #4.
53. Everything works out in the end. It has to.
54. There are very few opportunites in this life for pure happiness, hold onto them when you are given them.
55. You were created in love. You have lived your life knowing that you are loved. Share love whenever you can. Wherever you see that it is needed. We are all love and peace - the universe inherent.
Remember we are all made out of stars. And to the stars one day we will return.
Things The Bean has said:
1. Start of first day of school
TB: The Pixies are good good good!
Me: Good to listen to before you go to school?TB: Yeah, for everyone.
2. End of First day of school.
TB: I really need to play on my scooter so can you please call a taxi?
3. First homeworkTB: We need to do my alphabet book!!!!!
Me (reading instructions): It's ok, it says its due Monday, we've got ages to do it.
TB: Everyone had it today!
Me (re-reading): Oops. It was due today. Sorry I didn't check your bag, babe
TB: it's ok, don't worry about ...it. But what are we going to do?
Me: Let's do it, go grab your pencils.......
Now you need to draw a picture if something that starts with the letter 'A'
TB: An apple
Me: How many of your friends drew apples
TB: Lots
Me: Lets think of something else then
TB: No I need to draw an apple.
Me: What about an animal that starts with 'a'? Or something from the ocean?
TB: There's absolutely no animals or stuff from the ocean that starts with 'a'. I'm drawing an apple, I've got the red pencil.
Me: Stop - anemone!
TB: Good one, I'll draw a red and black sea anemone.
4. Combo of all things that Bean loves!
TB: I'm playing sea comets. They're large and they come to Earth and they go into the ocean and they make an under water world.
5.
TB: Mama, do you know where your poos and wees go when you flush the toilet?
Me: Ew. Where?
TB: The sewer.
Me: You're right.
TB: That's why you can't flush yourself down the toilet.
6. Re: My dad doing something dorky.
Me: Your Papa is weird isn't he?
TB: Nah, he's my favourite.
7. After asking me about houses in housing estates looking the same as each other.
Me: Nah, I don't want to live in a place like this.
TB: Because you get stuck?
8.
TB: Imagine there was roads in space.
Me: That'd be some long roads, man.
TB: Yeah, but then we could drive EVERYWHERE!
9. At the beach.
TB: Mama, I'm gonna dig through to the mantle.
