Happy Sharing Day!

Today is Sharing Day.

Last year I made a new holiday, if only for my close family and circle of friends, and it was based on the idea of a Season of Sharing.

We have a Sharing Day and our friends and family come over. We all bring a plate to share. We all bring some loose change to add to our Sharing Bowl. This loose change is split between two of my favourite non-profit organisations.

I wanted to opt out of the ‘consumption cycle’ and not buy or receive presents for or from those closest to me, just in order to say that I had ticked them off a list, that they had ticked me off theirs, and we had all acquired more and more stuff, contributing to a consumerist society that I am desperately trying to fight in our global culture. It started, as I said, on the first Saturday of December, 2011, and we are doing it again tonight.

We love Op/Thrift stores. We love hand me downs. We love how old stuff looks cooler than all of the same identical stuff in every second shop we walk by. I don’t like shopping. I don’t like plastic. I don’t like how people go to the shopping centre for entertainment.

In fact it makes me really anxious.

This year, for all the members of my immediate family I have only bought one new item. Not each. One. Everyone else has gotten something vintage or recycled or sought out that applies to their personality. Something that I know they will love, either thematically or aesthetically. I didn’t take a list of their names to the shops. I looked online. I only ticked the ‘used’ box in my ebay searches. I went to the second hand shops. Garage sales. Markets.

The planet doesn’t NEED more stuff.

I don’t need any more stuff.

I figure everything I’m ever going to need has been made already. The only things I think I will want that will be new are items of clothing (undies very much included) that I may need for a specific purpose.

But even they can be made out of vintage fabrics (undies very much excluded).

My Sharing Day has become a thing with my friends. The Bean woke up SO excited this morning. He has been saving his money and he has raided his money box to add to the Sharing Bowl.

We are giving over some of our wealth to help some people that have none. It’s not an amount that will change the world.

But maybe it’s a concept that could?

Things the Bean has said:

1 *Fart*

TB: I think I really do have steam inside me, Mama.

2.

TB: Why do rock stars always wear their shelter hats wrong?

3. Dragon Cat moans.

TB: Look at me! Look at me!

DC: *growl*

Me: Are you squashing the cat?

TB: *cries*

Me: Come here.

TB: But I love him.

Me: He loves you too but when you squash him how do you think he feels?

TB: Sad.

Me: And?

TB: Angry?

Me: And?

TB: I don’t know.

Me: Scared?

TB: Yeah but I love him.

Me: But do you want him to feel sad and scared and angry?

TB: No, but I NEED to squash him.

4. Farm animals visit kinder

TB: I can’t wait to feed all the animals. Except the goats. I don’t want to feed them. The have giant horns and they’re butt headers.

5. Eating veggie and tofu kebabs.

TB: This is like food threading.

6.

TB: I like Macca’s.

Me: We never have Macca’s, you don’t love Macca’s.

TB: I do.

Me: It’s not healthy for you.

TB: Why?

Me: It’s full of chemicals.

TB: I don’t want to eat chemicals.

Me: No way.

TB: But the girl on the picture was smiling. Macca’s makes her happy. And it makes her run faster. I need to run faster.

Me: Sometimes the people in those pictures are pretending. If you eat Macca’s all the time it won’t make you run faster. It’ll make you sick and big and your skin bad. It’s super unhealthy. Besides, if you wanna run faster you can just eat healthy food. That works, too.

TB: Yeah and exercise like riding my scooter.

Me: Exactly.

TB: And also there’s one sugar food that’s good to help me run faster.

Me: what?

TB: Ice cream.

7.

Me: Can you please put your doona away?

TB: I can’t. It’s steam and it just keeps following me everywhere.

the countdown begins...

The Bean only has 14 or 15 days left of kinder (depending on whether or not we wag a day). Thank the lords and ladies, I say. In the past few months I have lost more and more confidence in his kinder staff and gained more and more evidence about not sending our kids to places that are not supportive, understanding or open minded about what is important for each of our kids.

This has also helped me to see more clearly why it's important for secondary teachers to try and get to know their students, and to know what they need. Even just who they are. In some ways it's not very possible, especially with nightmares of timetabling, big schools, shared classes/jobs and short term contracts. These are things for another discussion, but in terms of my Bean, I'm so ready for him to move on. I was ready in the middle of the year, yet, decided two transitions in six months (from kinder to another kinder, and then onto school at the start of 2013) would be more damaging than staying where he was and 'riding it out'. Now I'm not so sure. There has been mounting issues in the past couple of weeks, and justifications of staff decisions, that directly contradict my requests.

It's interesting though.

In some ways, I could be seen as the muddling mother, the mother who is also a teacher and is not letting the teacher teach, the mother that reads too fucking much about Asperger's syndrome, that knows too much about ASDs and is reading too much of the Bean's behaviours as ASD behaviours. And not so much about Bean behaviours.

But you know what, I'm his Mama. I know HIM. And bollocks to the rest of it.

But some of the comments, in fact, the MAIN comment from his kinder teacher (after a particularly harsh treatment) that has awoken me in the past couple of days is that she believes the bean 'needs to learn' that she isn't going to be there to do everything for him when he gets to school. That he 'needs to learn' to remember to take his jumper off when it's hot, put his jumper on when it's cold, to listen for the bell, to remember to get to the toilet on time, to have enough to eat in case he gets hungry, to try harder, to look closer, to concentrate more, to listen, to try harder. 

Fuck you, lady.

He IS trying.

His brain doesn't work like that.

And that IS HIM.

He doesn't need coddling, he needs strategies.

He doesn't NEED you to put his jumper on, or take it off, but he does need guiding in order to know when it's too hot or cold. He does NOT feel the temperature like you do.

He can't hear you calling him when he's concentrating on something else. He physically hasn't got the same brain that can de-register concentrating on one thing and change instantly to another. He won't learn that skill by you leaving him outside alone until he registers that everyone has gone inside. He needs you to go to him, say his name and touch him on the shoulder to get his attention. Then he will come in with the rest. 

He is NOT being naughty.

He doesn't need fixing.

He needs tools.

And you know what, I love him the way that he is. I want to world to love him the way that he is. Who he is. 

I don't want him to un LEARN who that is.

He's awesome.



Passive (on the interwebs not to anyone's face) Aggressive (inclusive of lots of swear words) rant over.


Things The Bean has said:

1. 
TB: Mama, girls like unicorns don't they?

2. 
Me: When you've finished school I'm gonna get a Harley.
TB: Mine's gonna be louder.

3. 
TB: Don't be scared Dragon... You're such a scaredy dog.

4. Gardening.
TB: I'm a farmer.
Me: Hi Farmer Bean. What are you planting today?
TB: Well this is a macaroni plant.
Me: Oh, delicious.
TB: And over here I'll plant some avocado and a Special Orange Soup plant.

5.
Me: Do you want some chicken rice and vegetables for dinner?
TB: Nah, I'll just have chicken rice.
Me: You have to have some vegetables.
TB: I don't want vegetables. Just cook me some onion.

6. My friend, M, was talking about her 20 year old son not giving her hugs any more.
M: Jelly Bean you tell your Mama that you love her, ok?
TB: Ok.
M: You tell her you love her when you're forty, fifty when you're one hundred!
TB: When I'm one hundred she won't even see my head.

7. 
TB: Mama.
Me: hmmm?
TB: I know I'm super clever about everything, but I'm the MOST clever about opening car windows a teeny tiny bit.

8. Walking past the liquor section of a crowded supermarket.
TB: Mama, you REALLY like red wine don't you?

(Yes baby, yes I do)

Catch up

All's been ok here. We've been doing the things that people do and living the life that we have chosen. This is all pretty busy and chaotic and stressful and messy sometimes, and other times we take an hour to sit on the front steps and eat our lunch talking about things that would either make no sense to others or be of little interest. 

To catch y'all up, during the past few months, we've been camping on the Murray river in Echuca, the Bean has slammed his thumb in the car door (we patiently wait for the fingernail to fall off), he has lost two teeth, I have internally debated the tooth fairy/Santa Claus/Easter Bunny myth to no avail, we have toured the Sea Shepherd Boat - The Steve Irwin - currently docked at Williamstown, my parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary, I've been cooking, we've been gardening, the Bean has been bouncing, I've been working, he's been hating on kinder, he wants to grow up to be a Sea Shepherd and 'look after the whales and the dolphins and the ocean', we've made new friends, we've hung out, sang in the car, danced a lot to Jack White's album Blunderbuss, I turned 34, he's played a lot of rock 'n' roll drum beats, we're both into acupuncture, the Dragon cat's been loved and tormented in equal measure, we went to a concert to save the Kimberley, I made a blanket, he wrote his name very legibly - we laughed.

And on the 15th of August, he told me all about his day. He could remember it and he told me. I can't convey my excitement and pride.

That's it really.


But for what you've all been waiting for.....

Things The Bean has Said:
1. 
TB: Finish the book.
Me: Don't you boss me, I just have to check on dinner
TB: No you need to finish it!
Me: I will in one second, what's more important? Dinner or the book?
TB: The book.

2. Sick 1 (After another winter of insane ear infection related temperatures.
Me: You might have to have an operation on your ears.
TB: Noooooooooooo! (tears)
Me: It's ok. Not right now, but the doctor said last night that it will make you not get so sick anymore.
TB: I didn't hear him say that.

3. 
Me: You can have some if you want.
TB: Nah, it looks like it's just for adults.
Me: No food is just for adults, unless it's too spicy, I guess.
TB: I don't like spicy.
Me: You like hot sauce.
TB: That's 'cause it's hot, NOT spicy!

4. Sick 2
Me: This temperature of yours is making me crazy.
TB: Yeah, well it's making me feel like asteroids!

5. 
TB: I know another way to go sleep with cats.
Me: Hmmm
TB: Yeah, it's a train with beds and toilets and it's like a hotel. They have cat beds. But it's not for dogs. Dogs are naughty, if people have a dog they can just leave them at home...... It's a train hotel for cats.

6. Sick 3 - after a week of both of us sick.
Me: I'm bored.
TB: Really?
Me: Yup. I'm pretty bored of this place.
TB: All of it?
Me: Yeah.
TB: All right, I'll turn the lights on then.

7. Singing songs.
Me: What was that song about?
TB: It was about a girl that was walking her dog and the dog was woofing... And it could hear her heart.

8.
Me: Do you want lettuce on your burger?
TB: Um no. I'm not interested in lettuce.

9. 
Me: Look at your head. I might just chop it off so I can put it on my desk and look at your face ALL day.
TB: Ughhhh.. Grrr.
Me: What?
TB: I don't like heads chopped off.
Me: I was only joking.
TB: It's not a joke.
Me: ehehe. Why don't you want me to chop your head off?
TB: I hate heads off, it means I can't talk anymore.

10. Daylight savings.
Me: It's time for bed.
TB: No it's not time yet.
Me: I'm the boss, it's bed time.
TB: The sun is the boss. It is the boss and if the sun says it's night time we go to bed and if it says it's day time we get up and have some breakfast.

11. 
TB: This jelly fish and these eels eat fried eggs on toast for dinner.

12.
TB: Are you gonna learn how to make bread?
Me: Hmm I dunno, why?
TB: Because if you learn how to make bread then you'll be a master chef.

13.
TB: Do you know why I don't like cheese mixed up into my spaghetti?
Me: Why?
TB: Because it's a bit lah di dah.

14. Dad was making a shopping list to get stuff to make my birthday dinner.
TB: Papa, it's Mama's birthday, so we have to buy everything.

15.
TB: When your toys are everywhere your room is a mess of toys, but when I put my toys away my room is a mess of clean!

16. Bean baby pics on the computer screen saver
TB: Hahahaha, Mama, that's when I didn't know that gravity pushes us down.

17. 
TB: So all the people that we know and that we don't make up all the people in the world.
Me: Yeah.
TB: So your bones make your and my bones make me and all the other people's bones make them... And do you know what else is red and makes us?
Me: What?
TB: Blood.

18.    :o(     All grow'ed up!
TB: But I don't need kisses and cuddles every day.
Me: But mamas are supposed to kiss and cuddle their babies every day.
TB: Yeah babies. I'm not a baby. I'm a kid.



19. Self Proclamation 1
TB: Mama, I'm utterly unique.

20. 
TB: Can I see my new friends tomorrow?
Me: Nah not tomorrow, but next week. Your new friends are cool huh?
TB: Yeah, I like Leon and Tyler. Tyler has a nice face... And a cool jacket.

21. Self Proclamation 2
TB: Mama, I've got soul.

21. Camping Preparation 1
Me: If it's going to be raining like this we're not going to go to Wilson's Prom, we're might go to the Murray instead. It's a big river but don't worry there's lots of sky so we can look at the stars in the binoculars.
TB: The sky is everywhere, Mama.

22. Meltdown tears.
TB: Sometimes we have to deal with stuff when things change.
Me: Yeah, but it's ok, things change a lot honey, it's just the world.
TB: I don't like the world.

23. Camping Preparation 2
Me: When we go camping there'll be lots of bush around to go walking,
TB: And we can go on adventures and go investigating and when we get hungry for meat we'll go hunting.
Me: Hahahah, I'm not going hunting.
TB: Yeah, we'll just hunt dead animals.
Me: You don't hunt dead animals, you have to hunt live animals and kill them to eat them. Are you gonna kill the animals?
TB: Um, yeah.
Me: What with?
TB: I dunno, what should I hunt them with?
Me: Probably a sword. Or a knife.
TB: Yeah a knife. I'll hunt them with a butter knife.

24. Self Proclamation 3
TB: Mama, I'm the new David Attenborough..

25. 
TB: Mama, Fish 'n' Chips are 'every now and then' food.
Me: Yup.
TB: SO.... We can have then NOW and THEN we can have them again tomorrow.



26. Hippy mum dream child.
TB: Mama, do planets live?
Me: Well yeah, I suppose they do. They have activity and like our planet, it moves and has the crust which is full of all the life. We're all kind of one. But no, it's doesn't have a heart as such.
TB: Yeah it does, we're the heart of the Earth.
Me: You're amazing.

Some Concert for the Kimberley Pictures - 

Some Sea Shepherd pictures - 

all good, thanks.

It's been a while since last I wrote. I was trying to figure out what to say, thinking that in the past I'd done a lot of whingeing on this blog and as I'm not feeling like I have much to complain about I was left a bit speechless.


Not that I think all I've ever done is complain, but maybe this blog had been a venting tool, a place to give a voice to the inner most dread and hilarity that accompanies being the mama of a Jelly Bean. 


But life is so good.


Even after this weekend, just gone, where we spent more time with him crying in the emergency department or awake fighting a crazy Bean fever than we did doing anything else. Me on the phone to everyone who would listen freaking out about him always being sick, interrupting my parents' holiday to ask them, numerous times, what on earth I should do. Or after last week's mishaps of there being a lice outbreak at kinder and then trying to wash, dry and de-bug our entire house (even the Dragon got an early flea treatment, just in case). Even after the Bean and I sat on our front steps, in two hours of beautiful sunlight, with goop in our hair, him crying, sobbing, screaming about the 'yucky comb'. Even now, I'm just happy that he wanted Vita Brits for breakfast today. 


But it's all good. He's going to be fine. Reading the temperature this morning, after 40 hours of crazy, and seeing 36.5 is joy one can not describe.

And amidst all this stress and uncertainty and trips to the hospital and doctors and nurses and tears, I felt a sense of peace. The Bean's good. I'm good. We're really good.

Things The Bean has said:
(Shorter than usual as a certain Bean played with a certain phone and deleted my note with all the cool things he says on it.. There was shouting.)


1. Volcanoes 1
TB: Mama do you see this car?
Me: Yeah.
TB: Well, this car is about to explode from this volcano.
Me: Whoah, that's a bit dangerous.
TB: Yeah, but I'm the captain of volcanoes and cars.


2. Travel 1.
TB: Can we go to Japan?
Me: Sure, one day. Why do you want to go to Japan?
TB: (Please read ALL the attitude in the world into this statement, add a raised eyebrow and a 'derr' expression if that helps)
Because they have bullet trains.


3. Listening to lots of tunes.
TB: Who's this?
Me: Joss Stone.
TB: She said he's a dirty man.
Me: Yeah, he wasn't very nice to her.
TB: Maybe she should throw some mud on his face.


4. Volcanoes 2
At kinder, one of his teachers took his obsession and ran with it. They made clay volcanoes with orange cellophane coming out the top!
TB: Jess, can I read my volcano book to everyone on the mat?
J: Sure.
(everyone sits down)
TB: You sit down over there, Jess, I've got this under control.


5. Travel 2.
TB: We should go to Hawai'i. 
Me: For the volcanoes?
TB: Yeh, but we won't go to close too the volcanoes. You just take some pictures and you can put them on my iPad. 

tactics..

My Bean is fairly awesome, obviously, and now that I'm becoming more aware of being aware (read consuming lots of ideas about the universe and consciousness and other general new-age, hippy, "eastern traditions for western readers" type stuff), I can see how he is learning how to process things.  How he copes.

The other day he was punched and kicked a few times by a friend of mine's son. I understand that boys will be boys and irrespective of my beautiful friend and the help her son may or may not need for his processing and coping skills, I watched how my son copes, almost as if from an objective 'other'.

This probably isn't making any sense.

I held the Bean while he screamed then cried then sobbed then sniffed. I cuddled him on the back step while my friend spoke to her son about the event. My Bean calmed down in his Mama's arms. This is nature. This is what mamas' arms are made for, why we are the protective lioness 'animals' that we become when faced with a threat or danger towards our off-spring. Well most of us. Some poor bubbas out there don't have parents' with this instinct. No one protects them. But I digress....

I then asked the Bean if he would like a drink of water (I have three standard go to positions in times of irrevocable tears - breathing in and out to the count of '8' [he seems to calm down by 8], a face washer and a glass of water. This was a glass of water situation). I sat him on the bench and he wouldn't look at my friend's son. I gave him a drink and afterwards he got a broken toy push bike out of the fruit bowl (there is often fruit in it, but it is also a resting place for all manner of useful and/or broken items) and started to describe it to me in a weirdly cheerful voice. He was all high pitched and freaky and I saw his form of coping from the toughness of the situation.

He creates a diversion.

I think he probably learned this from me. I'm not always the most calm person in the face of adversity, but I'm glad that I could put the pieces together quickly enough to not be diverted.

To, instead, be aware.

I chose to discuss the bike for less than a minute and then when my friend had left I almost forced the Bean to talk about it. I revisited it again the next day. And then a couple of days later. I told him that we need to talk about things when bad stuff happens. That bad stuff often happens and talking about it helps.

Fingers crossed for his teenage years, heh?


Things The Bean has said:

1.
Me: Why don't you go play on the trampoline?
TB: Hmmm, naaaah.
Me: Actually, go play on the trampoline. You need fresh air and it's a great day outside.
TB: I don't need to play outside, I have air inside.

2. After another unprovoked attack
Me: Dragon's making me crazy!
TB: Just switch him off for a bit.

3.
Reading a dinosaur book, TB releases a weird squak/squeak/roar type noise.
Me: Are you being a pteranodon?
TB: Nah, I'm being a butt-headosaurus.
Me: Why don't you show me the picture and I'll tell you what kind it is?
TB: It's that one.
Me: It's a stegoceras.
TB: Right, the butt-headosaurus is a stegoceras, too.

4. Jumping song to the tune of 'I can sing a rainbow'.
TB: Listen with your eyes, listen with your legs, listen with your feet jumping on the trampoline.....
Listen to your bottom, listen with your head, jump jump jump, jumping, jumping, jump...
Listen with your everythiiiiiiiiiing.
Jumping along the side, listen with your jumping eyes...

5. David Attenborough 1
TB: Is the light jelly fish poisonous?
Me: I don't know. I think most jelly fish can sting though.
TB: Maybe we should find out.
Me: Hmmmm, I think Thomas' uncle D might know, he's a marine biologist.
TB: A what?
Me: A guy that knows lost of stuff about sea animals.
TB: Or we could just ask David Attenborough.
Me: David Attenborough?
TB: Yeah, do you know him? Do you have him in your phone?

6. David Attenborough 2
TB: I was thinking about a blue whale that eats orcas.
Me: Blue whales don't eat orcas, they eat krill, or plankton.. ummm
TB: No this new blue whale eats orcas.. And then it will dominate the world!

7. David Attenborough 3
TB: This tiger shark is a loose shark and it hides in the sand and it doesn't have any teeth. It only has suckers. Not outside suckers but inside suckers. And this other whale shark changes colours and eats clown fish. And it changes to yellow and green and orange.
Me: It sounds like a chameleon shark.
TB: Nah, chameleon sharks eat this shark.

8. At my friend's house whose parents were visiting, too.
B: So, how long were you in America for?
TB: Oh, about fifteen minutes.

9.
TB: I'm going to marry you.
Me: You can't.
TB: Why?
Me: Because I'm your mama, we're already related. When you're an adult you can find some one and fall in love with them and marry them if you want to.
TB: Hmmmmm... Mama?
Me: Yeah?
TB: Do you like manta rays?

10. Fiddling.
Me: What's wrong with your wang?
TB: It's not a wang, it's a penis.

11. Playing with a small, leafy twig.
*insert David Attenborough voice*
TB: Now this dolphin is searching for prey
A leaf falls off.
TB: Oh no! Mama! How do I stick the leaf back on?
Me: You can't.
Pause - then the twig and the leaf start flying around.
TB: And now the dolphin's baby is also searching for food.

12. Vomit and tears.
Me (rubbing his back and being attentive): It's ok, babe, it's ok.
TB: How is THIS ok, Mama?!

13.
TB: If we can only have fish and chips every now and then, then it says we can eat them 'now'. And 'then', we can just eat them again next time we want some.

14.
Me: Rice crackers are very healthy for you when you're sick.
TB: Yup, they're healthy for your brain and your head and your everything else.
Me: Yup.
TB: But not cigarettes.
Me: No cigarettes are very bad for you, they can make you die.
TB: Yeah and a truck will find you and throw you into the darkness of the open ocean.
Me: hahahahaha
TB: And then you'll swim to Alaska.

15. David Attenborough 4
TB: Can I change colour?
Me: Nah.
TB: Why?
Me: 'Cause you're not a chameleon, you're a person.
TB: But I wanna change colour.
Me: What colour do you wanna change to?
TB: All the colours, every colour. Maybe rainbow.

16.
TB: Did you know there's cones in your eyes? THey help you see colours.

17. Listening to Jack White in the car.
Me: He's so cool, hey?
TB: Yeah.
Me: He's such a rock star. Are you a rock star.
TB: Yeah, a little bit.

18. At his cousin's birthday party.
Aunty B: So what do you do at rock band?
TB: I rock it out.

19. Mother's day 1.
TB: When's my mother's day?
Me: You don't have one because you're a boy and you don't have any children.
TB: Oh yeah... Well my mother's day already past. It was on Friday when I went to Ninna and Papa's house.

20. David Attenborough 5
TB: Dragon's a filter feeder.

21. In the bath.
Me: Now wash your dangle. Make sure you move that skin.
TB: Ok.
Me: Do you know what that skin is called?
TB: What?
Me: Your foreskin.
TB: I have a forehead.

22. Mother's day 2
Me (hinting): SO you remember how you made me a present at kinder. Can I have it now?
TB: No it's a secret.
Me: Yeah but it's mother's day now. You're allowed to give it to me.
TB: Nadia said it was a secret and that I had to hide it under my bed and not tell you anything.
Me: Yeah, until mother's day when you should give to me.
TB: She didn't say that.
Me: But it is mother's day.
TB: I'll check with Nadia tomorrow and see if you can have it.
(I didn't get it til Monday night!)

23.
TB: So, how was Prince?
Me: He was AMAZING!! He's an ABSOLUTE rock star!!!
TB: How much of a rock star?
Me: AN infinity rock star?
TB: Can he spit fire?
Me: No.
TB: Hmmm.
Me: Does that mean he's not a rock star?
TB: No he's still a rock star. Just not an infinity rock star.

truth and lies...

Living in a Christian Caucasian dominated Western country I have the benefit (?) of living with capitalism and Easter and Christmas holidays. I don't really believe in these holidays as a religious event but I do enjoy the time off. And as we don't really watch commercial television, the Bean doesn't get too involved in the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus frenzy that occurs around those times of the year. However, no one is totally immune to such frenzies, we have extended family, and we need to shop for food. As one cannot avoid sparkly metallic paper in such shops, the Bean can be known to get a little caught up with the whole thing.

I struggle with this.

I hear parents threatening a non-arrival of such characters when bad behavior becomes intolerable and I choose not to use this technique (recently threatening to take away one's David Attenborough DVDs has been a highly effective parenting tool, instead). I don't threaten to take away these characters on a day to day basis, but I do internally threaten to take away the whole concept. I don't get super excited about the Easter egg hunt although I do enjoy sewing a new item onto the Bean's Santa sack every year.

I do love giving him presents. And I certainly don't want to take away the concept because I want the credit, I just like birthday presents more. And get much more excited about New Year's Eve fireworks than Christmas morning consumerism. In some ways I wonder if telling someone with a very strict sense of logic and truth and fantasy (although this can be manipulated by him frequently) about the arrival of bunnies and men in red suits for the purpose of buying and receiving presents may be confusing and, even, mean.

I feel in many ways, hypocritical about participating in these events. I don't have religious affiliations although I do believe in the universe and the collective human consciousness. I believe in karma in terms of acting towards others how you'd like to be treated yourself, because I can see how this, logically, makes sense. But in saying that, I'm not sure that karmic debt is something I can see as feasible when it comes to having faith in 'the other'. I want my son to be kind. I want him to care about the environment. I want him to be aware of his decisions and his impact. I want him to know that washing dishcloths is much better than buying disposable ones. That disposability is not more hygienic than simply being clean. I want him to be aware of the plastic he buys and to make more sustainable, recyclable decisions. I want to teach him the beliefs that are important to me.

I don't really know about the whole consumption and obligation that is involved in these religious holidays. I don't really know about the 'tricks' involved in the characters of these events. I don't really know that I want to make him cry later on when he discovers the truth about such characters. I remember being heart broken and couldn't understand why my parents would have 'lied' to me for so long, despite justifications and explanations about the spirit of these events and these characters. I have an innate sense of truth and logic, too.

I'd like the spirit of life and sharing to be innate in his sense of self, rather than on any particular day for reasons that seem to have been very much lost over time.

I'd like him to share all the time. To celebrate life every day. To be thankful for all that he has. And to be joyful.

Every moment.

Things The Bean has said:

1. The Bean was reading a dragon book, out loud, while a couple of my friends sat on the couch chatting. He got increasingly louder in order to be heard over their conversation.

Me: Honey, you don't have to be so loud.

TB: I'm not. I'm just asking C and B what they see in the picture.

Me: But you're being bossy.

TB: I'm not being bossy, I'm just the captain of everything about dragons.

2. Itchy.

TB: Look at these mozzie bites.

Me: They're chicken pox, babe.

TB: Chicken Box bites?

3. In a fossil cave 1 (To the tour guide)

TB: How did the people make this big massive cave?

4. Me: Don't pick it!

TB: I'm just scratching it... Actually, I'm in a hiding place. I'm going to hide in a hiding place and you won't see me and you'll say 'Where's the Bean?' and I'll say, 'I'm picking my nose!' and then when I'm finished I'll come out and then you can see me again.

5.

TB: Mama, I was thinking about something.

Me: What are you thinking about?

TB: I was thinking about a bridge that goes over the whole world and it's a trampoline and when you jump you fly over the world.

6. In a cave 2

TB: How did you make all these bones down there?

Tour Guide: The animals fell down there a long time ago.

TB: How long?

TG: Nearly 4.5 million years ago.

TB: Whoah that's really big!

7.

TB: Do swordfish fight?

8.

Me: I love you to the stars.

TB: I love you to the moon and back!

Me: I love you to the sun!

TB: I love you to that truck.

Me: Hahahaha, which truck?

TB: A really, really big truck.

Me: Hahaha, ok.

TB: Mama, you're turn.

9. Dandenong Ranges in the distance.

TB: Look at that cool hill. We should go explore that hill. When we go on adventures all around the world we should explore that hill and also Chelsea.

10. In a cave 3

TB: How did you put those dinosaur bones there?

11. In a cave 4.

TB: How did all the mammals die?

12.

TB: You know what I was thinking about? I was thinking about a magic circus that was covered in sunshine. The rain just exploded.

Me: You mean the rain couldn't make it wet?

TB: Nah, the sunshine was over the circus all the time.

Me: That sounds like a pretty special circus.

TB: Yeah, it is.

13. Inspired by Sir David Attenborough 1

TB: I want to talk about this snake that turns into a car. It's called the 'Ultimate Car Change Snake'.

14.

TB: I'm so impressed with that game I just made up.

15.

Me: What's wrong with your dangle?

TB (fiddling): Nothing. I dunno. It's all bumpy.

16. Inspired by Sir David Attenborough 2

TB: Sharks come from the open ocean to the sea mount to look around. And to see what's happening.

17. I have the hiccups.

Me: *hic*

TB: Your hiccups scared me. Just pretend not to talk for a minute and they'll go away.

18. Inspired by Sir David Attenborough 3

TB: Are eels yum?

Me: What?

TB: Are eels yum?

Me: Eels? To eat?

TB: Yeah.

Me: I dunno. I've never eaten eel.

TB: If you want to eat them you just have to cut them up first.

19.

TB: The tank dinosaur dragon breathes milk and fire.

20. You can't touch hot rods, they're very hot... You can drive them though.

21.

TB: So, what's happening with you?

Me: Just doing the dishes... What's happening with you?

TB: Magic.

decisions decisions

I have been considering choices this past week. And a few little bits of gold advice that I’ve been associated with in the past couple of years.

1. If you really want to do something, you will find a way to do it.

If you really don’t want to do something, you will find a way out of it.

Sometimes those of us who are honest and upfront, may not need the latter part of this piece of advice. Those people tend to know how to say ‘no’ in the first place before getting into situations that necessitate the need to get out of things in the second place (however, I am not always one of those people).

2. You can only make the best decision with the information you have at the time.

And, thus, this allows for when time passes and new information becomes available, we are entitled to make new decisions.

3. The Bean “is going to need a small school, or at least a school that accommodates Preps and Ones in an area on their own, within the larger school area”.

This is some advice from The Bean’s paediatrician.

4. Don’t tell me what I can’t do.

This is actually a quote from LOST but it’s relevant to my ‘stubborness issues’ which implies I’m actually a Viking (as quoted in How to Train Your Dragon).

These decisions have been made through; me talking about them to everyone who will listen; watching a family friend suffer the loss of her teenage son who died peacefully in the middle of the night from an illness that couldn’t be seen; observing my wonderful teenage students; reminiscing about my own education, and the accumulative educations of those around me; through asking a lot of questions and read many websites.

So here are the choices I’m very proud to have made.

- The Bean will go to the local government primary school. He will be in a school of approximately 200 students and whose office ladies were very kind to me when I came in to ask them seemingly unrelated, nervous mother, child going to prep next year type questions;

- The Bean will continue to do Rock Band every Saturday until he wants to change to drum lessons and then he will do those, hopefully on a Saturday, too;

- The Bean will go to a private, non-denominational secondary school whose Three Rules are thus – Respect for Self, Respect for Others, Respect for the Environment

(It’s basically hippy mum heaven with a strong focus on teaching independence and self motivation and guidance, respect, outdoor education with a strong focus on the Arts [they even have a trapeze!])

- The Bean and I will continue to go overseas ever year, albeit, based on the previously listed decision, a lot through South East Asia as that’s all we’ll be able to afford

- I’m going to meet with a financial advisor this week and figure out the best type of account to save for educational purposes, starting next pay (in a week and a half’s time!)

- I’ve narrowed down the films I’m going to teach to my year 12s next year– either of the following combinations:

o Rachel’s Getting Married and Warrior

o Warrior and Black Swan

o The Artist and Crazy Heart

(Narrowing down to three options, in this instance, counts as having made a choice – Damnit!)

- AND, I’m going to ask my mum to show me how she folds fitted sheets so bloody well!

The reasons I’ve come to these decisions are varied, I’m a state school educator and I went to a state school. I was fine in a state school and believe the Bean will be fine in a state school primary. But I’ve seen kids get lost in state school secondary schools and I don’t want my Bean to get lost. It’s not that I think that state schools are under resourced (I think the school I work at has FAB resources) and it’s not that I have any misconception of better teachers being at private schools. I believe, in fact, that the strong likelihood of having awesome teachers at state schools exists because some of us really do love our job and don’t care about the money. But I do believe that in a classroom of 25 students, with up to 7 different teachers per year, over the course of 6 years, there’s lots of opportunities for a Bean, with some special needs but not necessarily needy enough for funding for an aide, to get lost. He could do with the extra support of smaller class sizes that private schools can afford.

That and a rad trapeze to play on!

Things The Bean has said:

1. To Dragon

TB: Are you the Dragon of the North Sea?

2. Our fridge is in the laundry.

TB: I’m hungry!

Me: You JUST had a banana!

TB: But I’m still hungry! …. Hey, Mama, come here, I’ll show you something.

Me: What is it?

TB: It’s in the laundry.

Me: What is it?

TB: It’s some teddy bear biscuits. I keep forgetting to show you them.

3. Playing Lego 1.

TB: Mama, pretend there’s a spaceship on your head.

Me: I don’t have to pretend, there is a spaceship on my head.

4.

Me: You have the best looking tummy,

TB: You have the weirdest looking tummy.

Me *very sad face*: Oh.. Um, why?

TB: Cause it has those big things on it.

Me: That’s not my tummy, that’s my boobs.

TB: Big boobs are weird.

Me: Yeah but girls have big boobs.

TB: Yeah sometimes… But dinosaur girls don’t have boobs.

5. Playing Lego 2

TB: Here’s my spaceship called Lisa.

Me: Your spaceship is called Lisa?

TB: Nah, I was just kidding… Hahahahaha… It’s not called Lisa, it’s called Tina. Tina’s the name of a boy spaceship!

6.

Me: You’re going to Ninna and Papa’s house tomorrow.

TB: Yay, Ninna and Papa’s house! I can play with Toothless. Ninna got Toothless at the Dragons the other day. I got a helmet cause I’m a Viking. I LOVE Vikings cause they sail the seas.

7. Dragon had been staring for about 15 minutes.

TB: I love David Attenborough.

Me: I think Dragon loves David Attenborough, too.

TB: Yeah…. Antarftica is SO cold.

8.

TB: I know, let’s talk about space.

Me: Ok.

TB: Is there aliens?

Me: Probably.

TB: Is there monsters?

Me: I dunno. Maybe.

TB: Is there alien monsters?!