tactics..

My Bean is fairly awesome, obviously, and now that I'm becoming more aware of being aware (read consuming lots of ideas about the universe and consciousness and other general new-age, hippy, "eastern traditions for western readers" type stuff), I can see how he is learning how to process things.  How he copes.

The other day he was punched and kicked a few times by a friend of mine's son. I understand that boys will be boys and irrespective of my beautiful friend and the help her son may or may not need for his processing and coping skills, I watched how my son copes, almost as if from an objective 'other'.

This probably isn't making any sense.

I held the Bean while he screamed then cried then sobbed then sniffed. I cuddled him on the back step while my friend spoke to her son about the event. My Bean calmed down in his Mama's arms. This is nature. This is what mamas' arms are made for, why we are the protective lioness 'animals' that we become when faced with a threat or danger towards our off-spring. Well most of us. Some poor bubbas out there don't have parents' with this instinct. No one protects them. But I digress....

I then asked the Bean if he would like a drink of water (I have three standard go to positions in times of irrevocable tears - breathing in and out to the count of '8' [he seems to calm down by 8], a face washer and a glass of water. This was a glass of water situation). I sat him on the bench and he wouldn't look at my friend's son. I gave him a drink and afterwards he got a broken toy push bike out of the fruit bowl (there is often fruit in it, but it is also a resting place for all manner of useful and/or broken items) and started to describe it to me in a weirdly cheerful voice. He was all high pitched and freaky and I saw his form of coping from the toughness of the situation.

He creates a diversion.

I think he probably learned this from me. I'm not always the most calm person in the face of adversity, but I'm glad that I could put the pieces together quickly enough to not be diverted.

To, instead, be aware.

I chose to discuss the bike for less than a minute and then when my friend had left I almost forced the Bean to talk about it. I revisited it again the next day. And then a couple of days later. I told him that we need to talk about things when bad stuff happens. That bad stuff often happens and talking about it helps.

Fingers crossed for his teenage years, heh?


Things The Bean has said:

1.
Me: Why don't you go play on the trampoline?
TB: Hmmm, naaaah.
Me: Actually, go play on the trampoline. You need fresh air and it's a great day outside.
TB: I don't need to play outside, I have air inside.

2. After another unprovoked attack
Me: Dragon's making me crazy!
TB: Just switch him off for a bit.

3.
Reading a dinosaur book, TB releases a weird squak/squeak/roar type noise.
Me: Are you being a pteranodon?
TB: Nah, I'm being a butt-headosaurus.
Me: Why don't you show me the picture and I'll tell you what kind it is?
TB: It's that one.
Me: It's a stegoceras.
TB: Right, the butt-headosaurus is a stegoceras, too.

4. Jumping song to the tune of 'I can sing a rainbow'.
TB: Listen with your eyes, listen with your legs, listen with your feet jumping on the trampoline.....
Listen to your bottom, listen with your head, jump jump jump, jumping, jumping, jump...
Listen with your everythiiiiiiiiiing.
Jumping along the side, listen with your jumping eyes...

5. David Attenborough 1
TB: Is the light jelly fish poisonous?
Me: I don't know. I think most jelly fish can sting though.
TB: Maybe we should find out.
Me: Hmmmm, I think Thomas' uncle D might know, he's a marine biologist.
TB: A what?
Me: A guy that knows lost of stuff about sea animals.
TB: Or we could just ask David Attenborough.
Me: David Attenborough?
TB: Yeah, do you know him? Do you have him in your phone?

6. David Attenborough 2
TB: I was thinking about a blue whale that eats orcas.
Me: Blue whales don't eat orcas, they eat krill, or plankton.. ummm
TB: No this new blue whale eats orcas.. And then it will dominate the world!

7. David Attenborough 3
TB: This tiger shark is a loose shark and it hides in the sand and it doesn't have any teeth. It only has suckers. Not outside suckers but inside suckers. And this other whale shark changes colours and eats clown fish. And it changes to yellow and green and orange.
Me: It sounds like a chameleon shark.
TB: Nah, chameleon sharks eat this shark.

8. At my friend's house whose parents were visiting, too.
B: So, how long were you in America for?
TB: Oh, about fifteen minutes.

9.
TB: I'm going to marry you.
Me: You can't.
TB: Why?
Me: Because I'm your mama, we're already related. When you're an adult you can find some one and fall in love with them and marry them if you want to.
TB: Hmmmmm... Mama?
Me: Yeah?
TB: Do you like manta rays?

10. Fiddling.
Me: What's wrong with your wang?
TB: It's not a wang, it's a penis.

11. Playing with a small, leafy twig.
*insert David Attenborough voice*
TB: Now this dolphin is searching for prey
A leaf falls off.
TB: Oh no! Mama! How do I stick the leaf back on?
Me: You can't.
Pause - then the twig and the leaf start flying around.
TB: And now the dolphin's baby is also searching for food.

12. Vomit and tears.
Me (rubbing his back and being attentive): It's ok, babe, it's ok.
TB: How is THIS ok, Mama?!

13.
TB: If we can only have fish and chips every now and then, then it says we can eat them 'now'. And 'then', we can just eat them again next time we want some.

14.
Me: Rice crackers are very healthy for you when you're sick.
TB: Yup, they're healthy for your brain and your head and your everything else.
Me: Yup.
TB: But not cigarettes.
Me: No cigarettes are very bad for you, they can make you die.
TB: Yeah and a truck will find you and throw you into the darkness of the open ocean.
Me: hahahahaha
TB: And then you'll swim to Alaska.

15. David Attenborough 4
TB: Can I change colour?
Me: Nah.
TB: Why?
Me: 'Cause you're not a chameleon, you're a person.
TB: But I wanna change colour.
Me: What colour do you wanna change to?
TB: All the colours, every colour. Maybe rainbow.

16.
TB: Did you know there's cones in your eyes? THey help you see colours.

17. Listening to Jack White in the car.
Me: He's so cool, hey?
TB: Yeah.
Me: He's such a rock star. Are you a rock star.
TB: Yeah, a little bit.

18. At his cousin's birthday party.
Aunty B: So what do you do at rock band?
TB: I rock it out.

19. Mother's day 1.
TB: When's my mother's day?
Me: You don't have one because you're a boy and you don't have any children.
TB: Oh yeah... Well my mother's day already past. It was on Friday when I went to Ninna and Papa's house.

20. David Attenborough 5
TB: Dragon's a filter feeder.

21. In the bath.
Me: Now wash your dangle. Make sure you move that skin.
TB: Ok.
Me: Do you know what that skin is called?
TB: What?
Me: Your foreskin.
TB: I have a forehead.

22. Mother's day 2
Me (hinting): SO you remember how you made me a present at kinder. Can I have it now?
TB: No it's a secret.
Me: Yeah but it's mother's day now. You're allowed to give it to me.
TB: Nadia said it was a secret and that I had to hide it under my bed and not tell you anything.
Me: Yeah, until mother's day when you should give to me.
TB: She didn't say that.
Me: But it is mother's day.
TB: I'll check with Nadia tomorrow and see if you can have it.
(I didn't get it til Monday night!)

23.
TB: So, how was Prince?
Me: He was AMAZING!! He's an ABSOLUTE rock star!!!
TB: How much of a rock star?
Me: AN infinity rock star?
TB: Can he spit fire?
Me: No.
TB: Hmmm.
Me: Does that mean he's not a rock star?
TB: No he's still a rock star. Just not an infinity rock star.