Sunday, March 11, 2012

decisions decisions

I have been considering choices this past week. And a few little bits of gold advice that I’ve been associated with in the past couple of years.

1. If you really want to do something, you will find a way to do it.

If you really don’t want to do something, you will find a way out of it.

Sometimes those of us who are honest and upfront, may not need the latter part of this piece of advice. Those people tend to know how to say ‘no’ in the first place before getting into situations that necessitate the need to get out of things in the second place (however, I am not always one of those people).

2. You can only make the best decision with the information you have at the time.

And, thus, this allows for when time passes and new information becomes available, we are entitled to make new decisions.

3. The Bean “is going to need a small school, or at least a school that accommodates Preps and Ones in an area on their own, within the larger school area”.

This is some advice from The Bean’s paediatrician.

4. Don’t tell me what I can’t do.

This is actually a quote from LOST but it’s relevant to my ‘stubborness issues’ which implies I’m actually a Viking (as quoted in How to Train Your Dragon).

These decisions have been made through; me talking about them to everyone who will listen; watching a family friend suffer the loss of her teenage son who died peacefully in the middle of the night from an illness that couldn’t be seen; observing my wonderful teenage students; reminiscing about my own education, and the accumulative educations of those around me; through asking a lot of questions and read many websites.

So here are the choices I’m very proud to have made.

- The Bean will go to the local government primary school. He will be in a school of approximately 200 students and whose office ladies were very kind to me when I came in to ask them seemingly unrelated, nervous mother, child going to prep next year type questions;

- The Bean will continue to do Rock Band every Saturday until he wants to change to drum lessons and then he will do those, hopefully on a Saturday, too;

- The Bean will go to a private, non-denominational secondary school whose Three Rules are thus – Respect for Self, Respect for Others, Respect for the Environment

(It’s basically hippy mum heaven with a strong focus on teaching independence and self motivation and guidance, respect, outdoor education with a strong focus on the Arts [they even have a trapeze!])

- The Bean and I will continue to go overseas ever year, albeit, based on the previously listed decision, a lot through South East Asia as that’s all we’ll be able to afford

- I’m going to meet with a financial advisor this week and figure out the best type of account to save for educational purposes, starting next pay (in a week and a half’s time!)

- I’ve narrowed down the films I’m going to teach to my year 12s next year– either of the following combinations:

o Rachel’s Getting Married and Warrior

o Warrior and Black Swan

o The Artist and Crazy Heart

(Narrowing down to three options, in this instance, counts as having made a choice – Damnit!)

- AND, I’m going to ask my mum to show me how she folds fitted sheets so bloody well!

The reasons I’ve come to these decisions are varied, I’m a state school educator and I went to a state school. I was fine in a state school and believe the Bean will be fine in a state school primary. But I’ve seen kids get lost in state school secondary schools and I don’t want my Bean to get lost. It’s not that I think that state schools are under resourced (I think the school I work at has FAB resources) and it’s not that I have any misconception of better teachers being at private schools. I believe, in fact, that the strong likelihood of having awesome teachers at state schools exists because some of us really do love our job and don’t care about the money. But I do believe that in a classroom of 25 students, with up to 7 different teachers per year, over the course of 6 years, there’s lots of opportunities for a Bean, with some special needs but not necessarily needy enough for funding for an aide, to get lost. He could do with the extra support of smaller class sizes that private schools can afford.

That and a rad trapeze to play on!

Things The Bean has said:

1. To Dragon

TB: Are you the Dragon of the North Sea?


2. Our fridge is in the laundry.

TB: I’m hungry!

Me: You JUST had a banana!

TB: But I’m still hungry! …. Hey, Mama, come here, I’ll show you something.

Me: What is it?

TB: It’s in the laundry.

Me: What is it?

TB: It’s some teddy bear biscuits. I keep forgetting to show you them.


3. Playing Lego 1.

TB: Mama, pretend there’s a spaceship on your head.

Me: I don’t have to pretend, there is a spaceship on my head.


4.

Me: You have the best looking tummy,

TB: You have the weirdest looking tummy.

Me *very sad face*: Oh.. Um, why?

TB: Cause it has those big things on it.

Me: That’s not my tummy, that’s my boobs.

TB: Big boobs are weird.

Me: Yeah but girls have big boobs.

TB: Yeah sometimes… But dinosaur girls don’t have boobs.

5. Playing Lego 2

TB: Here’s my spaceship called Lisa.

Me: Your spaceship is called Lisa?

TB: Nah, I was just kidding… Hahahahaha… It’s not called Lisa, it’s called Tina. Tina’s the name of a boy spaceship!

6.

Me: You’re going to Ninna and Papa’s house tomorrow.

TB: Yay, Ninna and Papa’s house! I can play with Toothless. Ninna got Toothless at the Dragons the other day. I got a helmet cause I’m a Viking. I LOVE Vikings cause they sail the seas.


7. Dragon had been staring for about 15 minutes.

TB: I love David Attenborough.

Me: I think Dragon loves David Attenborough, too.

TB: Yeah…. Antarftica is SO cold.


8.

TB: I know, let’s talk about space.

Me: Ok.

TB: Is there aliens?

Me: Probably.

TB: Is there monsters?

Me: I dunno. Maybe.

TB: Is there alien monsters?!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

blank face of confusion

People tend to say nice things about my parenting, and although I very much appreciate the sentiment, I rarely really believe them. Because ultimately I get it wrong every single day. I get confused every single day. I worry all manner of things so often that I find it questionable that anyone can compliment me on something I wing it with more often than I know what I’m doing. (Sometimes I tend to feel the same about my teaching profession, but please don’t tell my boss that I wing it more than I feel like I truly know what I’m doing)

But the past four days have been the most challenging and not because anything traumatic or major has happened, although his tantrums are becoming more regular and over seemingly more menial reasons. He seems to be getting to a new stage that I’m not sure how to cope with. And in actual fact, I’ve spent some time away from the Bean this weekend, but I have/am struggling with being a parent at the moment because I’m so confused.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m not sure which expert to listen to. I’ve read stuff about Asperger’s and I’ve listened to psychologists and early childhood educators and websites and parenting specialists and friends with kids on the spectrum and so on and on to infinity. And I know that every kid is different.

I get that.

I also get the other clichés that say you have to do what feels right to you. That know one knows your child as you know your child.

Ok.

But I’ve also been reading a book about enlightenment and awakening. A book that confirms and is aiding my understanding of things like ego and awareness that I’ve been trying figure out for years.

And herein lies my problem.

As I head on a personal journey of figuring out the ego and the awareness of my ‘human’ and my ‘being’, I have observed that my son’s ‘disorder’ is ALL ego.

Peadiatrician speak suggests that I have to teach my son how to function in society. That all of the early intervention that will help him later on focuses on training him so he can cope with life’s rules.

I’m not sure about that.

I don’t want him breaking down all the time, but I don’t know that I cope very well with life’s rules.

Do I need late intervention?

Do I take him to the acupuncture man instead who I trust with my qi and try and get his energy sorted out? Do I read him books about enlightenment and hope his ego becomes a little less in charge? Do I hope he grows out of this latest phase of incomprehensible tantrums? Do I stress? Do I forget any future overseas travel and go into debt to send him to the coolest and best independent school around? Do I sit here and write blogs instead of making myself dinner, instead of doing my year 11 marking, to boost my ego, to feel recognition, to complain, to identify myself with the form of the exterior madness that is my society?

Do I give up?

Things The Bean has said:

1.

Me: Aaaarrghh, fuck it!

TB outraged, and rightly so: What?!

Me: Dragon just attacked me! Bloody, pox, ouch, god dang it… (rant continues)

TB: We don’t talk like that, Mama. It’s not friendly and not nice to say to baby cats.

2.

Me: Are you going to have some sushi?

TB: No way! Sushi is for adults.

3. Playing Dinosaur investigation with his Aunty Lee.

TB: What’s going on here?

AL: The rain came from no where and wet all the washing.

TB: Oh No! That’s it! That’s the emergency!

4.

TB: I’ve got a new job.

Me: What’s your new job?

TB: I can run and fly. It’s called a run flyer.

5. Running.

TB: Look Mama, I’m as fast as a hypothesis.

6.

TB: I tried to figure it out. So I just looked around in my brain and then it came out.

7.

TB: Dragon doesn’t really talk much.

8. Coughing.

TB: That went down the wrong hole.

*has a drink*

TB: Hmmmm, that went down the right hole. The other one went down the coughing hole.

9. In the car and if I wasn’t driving, I would have fallen over. This was the first time he’d asked me this.

TB: How was work?

Me: Wow, yeah good thanks. It was long though. Monday’s are so long aren’t they?

TB: Yeah I was thinking about that at kinder. I was thinking about when you were coming to get me.

10. Overheard when he was in the bath. Playing with two different kinds of ‘dragonosaurs’.

TB 1: So you play that game with your dad?

TB 2: Yup. Let’s play ‘breathe fire along’.

TB 1: We’re pteranodons, we LOVE that game!

TB 2: So where’s your dad?

TB 1: My dad is a boy dad and I’m the teacher. I teach him how to be a dad cause I’m a boy, too.

TB 2: Yeah?

TB 1: Ok…. Let’s fly!

TB 2: Let’s play breathe fire hide and seek!

TB 1: Yeah, that’s a good idea!

TB 2: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 16…

Ready or not here I come!

11. On way home from Aunty Bronya’s

TB: I think we should get Aunty Bronya to being her cats to our house so we can have a cat race. Dragon would love that. Because he would win. We could ask Thomas to bring Satchmo, too. Satchmo’s a nice cat. He’s a boy cat. There are boy cats and boy people, did you know?

(The discussion of how the cat track would be set up, the sequences of the starting lights, the sound of the siren, the order in which the individual cats would win each race, the way it became about dinosaurs and cats racing, where the people would sit, which dinosaurs were coming, which trains were coming went on for about 25 minutes, I couldn’t write it down while I was driving, it didn’t make much sense and at times I switched off… But the general gist was one of spectacular cat races as the new in thing to do.. He even got home and asked Dragon how much he’d like to have friends over for a race.. Then he showed Dragon where the track would start.. home ground advantage I guess)

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