This has also helped me to see more clearly why it's important for secondary teachers to try and get to know their students, and to know what they need. Even just who they are. In some ways it's not very possible, especially with nightmares of timetabling, big schools, shared classes/jobs and short term contracts. These are things for another discussion, but in terms of my Bean, I'm so ready for him to move on. I was ready in the middle of the year, yet, decided two transitions in six months (from kinder to another kinder, and then onto school at the start of 2013) would be more damaging than staying where he was and 'riding it out'. Now I'm not so sure. There has been mounting issues in the past couple of weeks, and justifications of staff decisions, that directly contradict my requests.
It's interesting though.
In some ways, I could be seen as the muddling mother, the mother who is also a teacher and is not letting the teacher teach, the mother that reads too fucking much about Asperger's syndrome, that knows too much about ASDs and is reading too much of the Bean's behaviours as ASD behaviours. And not so much about Bean behaviours.
But you know what, I'm his Mama. I know HIM. And bollocks to the rest of it.
But some of the comments, in fact, the MAIN comment from his kinder teacher (after a particularly harsh treatment) that has awoken me in the past couple of days is that she believes the bean 'needs to learn' that she isn't going to be there to do everything for him when he gets to school. That he 'needs to learn' to remember to take his jumper off when it's hot, put his jumper on when it's cold, to listen for the bell, to remember to get to the toilet on time, to have enough to eat in case he gets hungry, to try harder, to look closer, to concentrate more, to listen, to try harder.
Fuck you, lady.
He IS trying.
His brain doesn't work like that.
And that IS HIM.
He doesn't need coddling, he needs strategies.
He doesn't NEED you to put his jumper on, or take it off, but he does need guiding in order to know when it's too hot or cold. He does NOT feel the temperature like you do.
He can't hear you calling him when he's concentrating on something else. He physically hasn't got the same brain that can de-register concentrating on one thing and change instantly to another. He won't learn that skill by you leaving him outside alone until he registers that everyone has gone inside. He needs you to go to him, say his name and touch him on the shoulder to get his attention. Then he will come in with the rest.
He is NOT being naughty.
He doesn't need fixing.
He needs tools.
And you know what, I love him the way that he is. I want to world to love him the way that he is. Who he is.
I don't want him to un LEARN who that is.
He's awesome.
Passive (on the interwebs not to anyone's face) Aggressive (inclusive of lots of swear words) rant over.
Things The Bean has said:
1.
TB: Mama, girls like unicorns don't they?
2.
Me: When you've finished school I'm gonna get a Harley.
TB: Mine's gonna be louder.
3.
TB: Don't be scared Dragon... You're such a scaredy dog.
4. Gardening.
TB: I'm a farmer.
Me: Hi Farmer Bean. What are you planting today?
TB: Well this is a macaroni plant.
Me: Oh, delicious.
TB: And over here I'll plant some avocado and a Special Orange Soup plant.
5.
Me: Do you want some chicken rice and vegetables for dinner?
TB: Nah, I'll just have chicken rice.
Me: You have to have some vegetables.
TB: I don't want vegetables. Just cook me some onion.
6. My friend, M, was talking about her 20 year old son not giving her hugs any more.
M: Jelly Bean you tell your Mama that you love her, ok?
TB: Ok.
M: You tell her you love her when you're forty, fifty when you're one hundred!
TB: When I'm one hundred she won't even see my head.
7.
TB: Mama.
Me: hmmm?
TB: I know I'm super clever about everything, but I'm the MOST clever about opening car windows a teeny tiny bit.
8. Walking past the liquor section of a crowded supermarket.
TB: Mama, you REALLY like red wine don't you?
(Yes baby, yes I do)
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