When I was in my early twenties I thought I was fat. (I was ridiculously skinny at times)
When I was in my late twenties I had a Bean and saw some of the amazing things my body can do - like grow whole other humans and stuff.
In my early thirties I feel like I've pushed a new boundary of what my body can handle, and recuperate from, but it's not the body I once had. It's not the body I once had that in hindsight was awesome but I never liked then. At times, I like it SO much less now. But it's mine, and I will never be as young as I am today.
But I sometimes feel as though I am watching my son's body grow by the second. I am watching him change.
I was at a birthday party for one of the Bean's friends today and I was talking to some other mums I met a few years ago. I laughed so much that we are now the ones that are complaining about our wrinkles and our weird face hairs and me, the lucky one that I am, that still gets crazy hormone pimples to go along with my wrinkles and my weird face hairs (I'm a living breathing example of all possible stages of face rolled into one person!! What the what?!)
But this week I have watched my Bean with new eyes...
I guess it's because I'm so aware of his age all of a sudden. SInce coming back from our trip it has been all about school/kinder/birthday parties/appointment making/conversations about how he's coping at kinder the second time round/how tall he is/the ankle bashing length of his jeans that fit fine when we were in San Francisco.
But today I have never been more proud. And this is not a thing about Asperger's or a 'wow look how amazing my son who might struggle with stuff is' thing (eloquent, I know) but this is a 'I'm so proud of my son' thing. And because blogs were invented for people to talk about themselves, today I'm going to use mine like every other parent on the planet might use one, to brag about my Jelly Bean.
A very warm and caring friend of mine quoted this from the Australian Autism Handbook- in his beautiful blog about his son, Zachary http://www.zacsautismjourney.blogspot.com.au -
"Most parents only celebrate when their child achieves the extraordinary. For us, achieving the ordinary IS extraordinary and we get to celebrate everyday!'
- Barbara Morrow, mother of Alistar.
This week The Jelly Bean:
* displayed such honest and unprompted kindness to a friend of mine who was sad (although I did prompt him to get her some tissues). He went to his room and his toy boxes and brought her train after train and explained them all to her and showed her the cool whistles and funnels and wheels. To try and cheer her up. It would be something that would cheer him up and I could just see him trying to make her not cry anymore.
* removed himself from a room full of children shouting over cool birthday presents (at his friend's party) simply because it was 'too noisy in there, Mama'.
* explained, to me, the inside of a cubby house at his friend's house, even down to the 'lovely plant growing near the wall' that to anyone else's eyes, was a weed growing through the cracks.
* understood the reprimanding he got when he push/punched another boy away. The boys were all playing chasey and when one held onto The Bean for too long he freaked out and tried punching his way out. I pulled him aside immediately.
Me: We don't punch people.
TB: But he had hold of me, Mama and I couldn't get out.
Me: I know babe, but we don't act like that. It's violent and yucky. What should we do if we want someone to let go?
TB: Say stop it I don't like it.
Me: That's right.
TB: Because we don't want to hurt anyone.
Me: No, we don't.
* got praised by his Rock Band teacher who said last Saturday that The Bean had had the best lesson he'd ever had. Listening and completing the tasks really well. Then today after Rock Band, his teacher said he'd remembered ALL the stuff from last week. Playing drums and singing.
* followed a four step instruction. Perfectly (I'm crying as I type this one).
After his shower.
Me: Ok, babe. I need you to get dry. Hang up the towel. Put your pyjamas on and get into bed. I'm going to go hang out the washing and come straight back in and I want you in bed when I get back, ok?
TB: Ok, Mama.
I walk out to the clothesline, which is directly next to the back door. A few minutes later...
TB (through the fly screen on the back door): Hey, Mama. Look!
He was dressed.
And everything was on the right way.
Me: That's SO ace, babe. Well done!
TB: You will come in and kiss me goodnight in my bedroom when you're finished won't you?
Me: Of course honey, I'll be straight in.
Things The Bean has said:
1.
TB: I've got a new game, it's called The Octonauts and the upside down Angry Birds.
2. About having a Route 66 birthday cake.
TB: We MUST do that, it's going to be super engine funny!
3. Parental win.
TB: I really love myself, Mama.
Me: That is so awesome, we should love ourselves.
TB: And I love you, too. SO much.
4.
We drove past a lot of emergency vehicles at a railway crossing near our house. At first we thought it had been derailed but we found out later after talking to a friend that a pedestrian had been killed, but they were unsure if it was suicide or accident;.
TB: Mama, that train didn't fall off the train tracks. Maybe that person just didn't hear the ding dings. Maybe they just thought it was birds singing...
Me: I hope so babe.
5.
Me: So J said you sang some songs in rock band today. Could you sing one for me?
TB: No, I don't think so.
Me: Oh come on, I'd love to hear it. Do you remember one?
TB: I can't sing it to you, Mama. It's just too special.
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