The Bean lost his first two teeth months and months ago. And it had very little impact on me. My biggest challenge at the time was the further lies I'd be telling regarding the Tooth Fairy and how lying to him is my greatest regret. I still struggle with all these made up characters and it is one thing I do blindly. I continue to perpetuate the myths to fit in and I'm really not sure how I'm going to deal with the fall out when it happens. I remember being gutted and unsure why my folks lied to me.
Gah, I'm that guy!
But these teeth keep falling out. He's lost two in the past ten days and his top middle two are as wobbly as all get out. He looks so cute and gappy. I love it.
But then I realise. It hits me with a punch in the stomach that my wee man, is getting all growed up.
When we were in Malaysia I took a photo of him that made me realise what he's going to look like when he's a teenager. It was a perfect man-child photo and it has shocked the shit out of me.
See - man bean!
And, with all his teeth falling out I am feeling a massive sense of mortality. Not my own, so much, but his. He will get to the big stuff soon. He will be an adult. He will need to look after himself. He will need to learn to tie those shoelaces and figure out the tricky zips by himself and cook his own spaghetti and pancakes and special orange soup. He'll need to decide how to live his life, where to travel to, who to kiss, how to say no, how to love himself, how to be compassionate when he doesn't give a rat's, how to walk away when things are too painful or bad news, how to stay and work things out when they're worth the effort, how to manage his money and get up in time for work. He'll need to be responsible for his own decisions, accept his mistakes without torturing himself for making them, accept others' mistakes towards him, without writing them off. He'll have to understand that the world and the people in it are equally flawed and beautiful.
He'll have to accept that he is, too.
Part 2 - a fairly disastrous, train-wreck of a one-sided Sunday morning sex talk conversation
TB: Why has Dragon got a tattoo in his ear?
Me: Well, when animals get 'fixed', the vet puts a tattoo in their ears so people know that that's happened.
TB - Confused face
Me: Getting fixed means that they take their bollocks off so that they can't have any or anymore babies.
TB - Confused face
Me: Well, you know how under, behind your dangle you have your bollocks?
TB - nods.
Me: Well, another name for your bollocks are your testicles. And testicles are what helps boys, um males, men, to have babies. When they're men.
TB: Ok.
Me: So inside your testicles, when you're a man, is sperm. And you know how sperm and eggs make babies. Like on David Attenborough?
TB: Yeah, it looks like smoke.
Me: Well, yeah, kinda, it's kinda like smoke when fish do it. I mean. When fish spawn. Well, spawning is like having sperm out in the water to get to the eggs in the water. But that's not really the sperm, the sperm is inside the stuff that looks like smoke.
TB: So sperm is smoke?
Me: Oh god.
TB: And the smoke gets in the eggs to make baby fish.
Me: Well not really, in mammals, the smoke is called semen. Hey, let's not call it smoke, ok? The sperm is in the semen and that goes to the eggs so that babies can get made.
TB - stands up and makes smoke with his hands and smoke noises.
TB: Ok Mama, let's pretend your head is an egg.
Me: You don't make babies with your Mama!!!
TB: No, we're just pretending that your head is an egg and all this is smoke sperm.
Me: Ok, you need to go do some homework.
TB - Confused face
TB: Ok, Mama.
Me - dies a little inside.
Things The Bean has said:
1. Acupuncture and TB's favourite colours.
10. Asking lots of questions about his dad
11.
TB: We see people grow at school
12.
Me: Here taste this - it's radish
13.
Me: Do you know why we eat organic food?
14.
TB: Mama, I've got a lot of jobs I'm gonna do web I grow up..
15. Tears over me saying no to pancakes on a school day.
19. Dragon meows.
TB: I know what he was saying. I can speak cat.
Me: What did he say?
TB: Not telling.
20. Thailand.
He'll have to accept that he is, too.
Part 2 - a fairly disastrous, train-wreck of a one-sided Sunday morning sex talk conversation
TB: Why has Dragon got a tattoo in his ear?
Me: Well, when animals get 'fixed', the vet puts a tattoo in their ears so people know that that's happened.
TB - Confused face
Me: Getting fixed means that they take their bollocks off so that they can't have any or anymore babies.
TB - Confused face
Me: Well, you know how under, behind your dangle you have your bollocks?
TB - nods.
Me: Well, another name for your bollocks are your testicles. And testicles are what helps boys, um males, men, to have babies. When they're men.
TB: Ok.
Me: So inside your testicles, when you're a man, is sperm. And you know how sperm and eggs make babies. Like on David Attenborough?
TB: Yeah, it looks like smoke.
Me: Well, yeah, kinda, it's kinda like smoke when fish do it. I mean. When fish spawn. Well, spawning is like having sperm out in the water to get to the eggs in the water. But that's not really the sperm, the sperm is inside the stuff that looks like smoke.
TB: So sperm is smoke?
Me: Oh god.
TB: And the smoke gets in the eggs to make baby fish.
Me: Well not really, in mammals, the smoke is called semen. Hey, let's not call it smoke, ok? The sperm is in the semen and that goes to the eggs so that babies can get made.
TB - stands up and makes smoke with his hands and smoke noises.
TB: Ok Mama, let's pretend your head is an egg.
Me: You don't make babies with your Mama!!!
TB: No, we're just pretending that your head is an egg and all this is smoke sperm.
Me: Ok, you need to go do some homework.
TB - Confused face
TB: Ok, Mama.
Me - dies a little inside.
Things The Bean has said:
1. Acupuncture and TB's favourite colours.
TB: I like going to Serena's cause she has my favourite colour chair - blue. Do you know where I got blue from?
Me: The ocean?
TB: Yep and the sky
Me: And your eyes?
TB: Yeh I got blue from my eyes and out it into my brain
and I green from that thing.
Me: And gold?
TB: No were not talking about gold. Do you know where I got green from?
Me: Nature?
TB: Yes the plants and trees.
Me: And grass?
TB: Yes
Me: And gold?
TB: That's a guessing game..
Me: Um, the sun?
TB: No that's yellow
Me: Oh um the rock?
TB: No, pirates. They catch it
2. Listening to Lanie Lane sing about cowboys.
TB: I've never actually heard of someone falling in love with a cowboy
3.
TB: Meeeeow. I think that's how you say mama in cat
4.
TB: I take a photo of it if its important. With my eyes. It flashes into my brain.
5. Chelsea anomoly.
TB: Mama, this is Chelsea, it's not a desert.
Me: No.
TB: But there's cactuses
6. Napoleon?
TB: Mama do you know what I wish for?
Me:What?
TB: A world reminder button.
Me: What does it do
TB: It rewinds the earth so you can go back to whatever you wanted and wherever you wanted. Whatever part of your life..
Me: What would you rewind to?
TB: Fun things I that I did.
Me: Like what
TB: I don't know, the days I like.. Or you might rewind forwards, like if you wanted to Oscar's house or to go to swimming at school..
Me: Where would you go back to?
TB: I just said.
Me: You just said where you'd go forward to, where would you go backwards to?
TB: Things that you don't remember. Things that you do remember. Things that you kinda remember. You might back to you favourite movie or your favourite friend. You might go back to when your baby. But the reminder button can't come, it can't get delivered. It can only come if the world gives it to us.
Me: But what is one of the things would you like to go back to?
TB: Mama! Like somewhere we've travelled to?
Me: That can happen without a reminder button..
TB: Ok, a cable car, or a play centre.
7.
Me: Look at all the leftovers, maybe we can have it for lunch tomorrow..
TB: Nah..
Me: Why?! Didn't you like it?
TB: I have to have sandwiches for lunch. Sandwiches are important for lunch.
Me: Dinner then?
TB: Yeh, dinner's good.
8.
Me: Do you know how much I love you?
TB: 150 million kilometres of love.
9. Running around with his David Attenborough voice and a big blue piece of muslin..
TB: "See this its a gulper bag it has tiny eyes but a ginormous mouth..
It eats at the deep abyss.
It can even eat humans because they are medium.
Some are even tiny
You can't escape it with your escape action because it can disappear totally!"
* Dragon runs past *
TB: It can even eat your pet cat.
10. Asking lots of questions about his dad
TB: When was he here?
Me: In 2006.
TB: What was his name, again?
TB: What was his name, again?
Me: Antoine.
TB: Where in Canada is he from?
TB: Where in Canada is he from?
Me: Montreal which is in Quebec.
TB: Do I have bouncy shoes?
TB: Do I have bouncy shoes?
11.
TB: We see people grow at school
There's a tiny person inside them and it fixes them in a special growing tower and it pushes them up.They grow up the tower.
12.
Me: Here taste this - it's radish
TB: I'm I don't like it. It tastes like dust
Me: It doesn't taste like dust it tastes like radish
TB: Well, radish tastes like dust
13.
Me: Do you know why we eat organic food?
TB: Why?
Me: 'Cause organic food doesn't use any chemicals to make it grow.
TB: Organic food uses nature to grow cause nature doesn't have any chemicals
Me: Yeh, well the chemicals that nature has helps the plants to grow
TB: Except if a volcano erupts on them
Me: Yeh if a volcano erupts on them the plants aren't gonna grow.
Hmmm, I'm gonna give dragon a hug
14.
TB: Mama, I've got a lot of jobs I'm gonna do web I grow up..
Me: Yeah?
TB: Yup. Train driver, Sea Shepherd, Teacher AND Rock Star!
15. Tears over me saying no to pancakes on a school day.
TB: But sometimes I just need pancakes!!!!! I don't want porridge every day!!
16.
TB: When a boy puts a spider man mask on he doesn't turn into spider man.
Me: No
TB: No, he's spider boy!!
17.
TB: There's someone who helps the spiders and eats them up and pops them out.
17.
TB: There's someone who helps the spiders and eats them up and pops them out.
They start with 'f' and 'i'. Do you know who that is?
Me: I have no idea
TB: It's frog and iguana
18.
18.
Me: How was your shrimp last night?
TB: It was so good.
Me: Do you love shrimp?
TB: Hmm mmmm so so much.
19. Dragon meows.
TB: I know what he was saying. I can speak cat.
Me: What did he say?
TB: Not telling.
20. Thailand.
Me: I love coconut!
TB: Why don't you fall in love with a coconut, then?
Me: Hahah, nah maybe better to fall in love with a man?
TB: What about a coconut man?!
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