teenager

I have a piece of paper that says I am qualified to teach teenagers. I also pay a fee to a Teaching Institution that says I am allowed to teach teenagers. I have a few years experience that says I have some ideas about how to teach teenagers. I have recently discovered that these skills, qualifications and permissions may come in handy as much in my personal life as my professional one.


Reasons my four year old is in fact fourteen:

1. He grunts and/or sighs when asked to put something away.

2. He grunts and/or sighs when asked to do some writing/drawing/cutting/pasting (read - school work).

3. He complains when he's not allowed to play on the computer.

4. He complains when asked to play outside.

5. He grunts and/or sighs when asked to come back inside.

6. He doesn't always use his manners.

7. He has dirty fingernails.

8. He cracks it when asked to have a shower.

9. He refuses to get out of the shower.

10. He won't eat his vegetables unless secretly hidden in something he likes to eat.

11. He prefers lollies/cake/chips with sauce over real food.

12. He eats more than is humanly possible.

13. He says inappropriate things in public.

14. He knows when a song has a 'naughty' word in it, but sings it loudly anyway.

15. He has dirty ears.

16. He's bored.

17. He's better at navigating the iPad than I am.

18. He gets grouchy when he's tired, complains about going to bed and then falls asleep in approximately 3.8 seconds.



19. He pretends to put his stuff away when
he is really just hiding things under his doona.
(see Photo).



20. He loves his Mama.




Things The Bean has said:

1. When you teach them something you think is funny then they throw it back at you...

TB: Now you're being bossy, Mama.
Me: Excuse me?! I'm allowed to be bossy, I'm the mama.
TB: Mamas are not the boss, Tony Danza's the boss.

2. When I discovered another pile of sand on the couch. I honestly think he gathers sand in the sand pit and then comes home and distributes it from his pockets, onto my couch, for the sheer entertainment of my face.

Me: What is that sand doing on my couch?
TB: It's not just your couch, Mama. It's everyone's couch.
Me: Hahahaha... Really? Everyone?
TB: Yeah.
Me: But what's the sand doing there?
TB: Don't worry, I'll just hide it with the cushion.

3. Re: photo of books in the bed.
After I'd had a secret giggle -
Me: What are these books doing here? I thought I asked you put them away on your book case this morning?
TB: I was just saving them for later, Mama, and my doona was just keeping them warm.

4. After a stack off the slide at kinder - with a proper bruise on his cheek and a scratch on his nose.

Me: So what happened?
TB: Well Connor put the truck at the bottom of the slide, and I went down on my tummy and then I crashed.
Me: Ouch.
TB holds up a perfect, damage free forefinger
TB: Yep, I crashed down the slide and then my bone cracked out of my finger skin.