I'm not sure if I've documented the Bean's previous super meltdowns, of which I can luckily count on less than one hand, but a meltdown is much more than a tantrum. It is usually more intense, it is beyond any control of the Bean and when in the old days some outside observer might say he was a spoiled brat that needs a good smack, I just try to breathe through it and calm him down.
The past two major meltdowns have been in relation to his environment. One when we were in Thailand in January, relating to the stability of a pontoon that he had to get on to and one a few months ago when a moth got into the car. Neither of these meltdowns were avoidable and neither of them were by 'choice'. He wasn't not getting his way and therefore 'chucking a wobbly', he was shitting his proverbial pants in all consuming fear.
Until today...
This year was the first year that we did Halloween. I'm not into it. It is all about, to me, in this society, about a consumption mind set that I'm trying every day to avoid. He can't eat the majority of the lollies anyway, as they are filled with additives that make him jiggle and crampy. The plastic, throw away decorations are not my scene and the individually wrapped treats are not good for the soul or the planet.
That being said, two of the Bean's very close friends were doing Halloween. I'm very close friends with their mum. The Bean got dressed up as Beetlejuice (I had to have some say in the affair) and we went for a lovely Springtime evening walk and the kids had fun and we divided up the 'loot' and that was that.
Until today...
We were at an op shop. He wanted a plastic pumpkin shaped bucket for Trick or Treating next year. I called it.
It is not my thing.
I don't like plastic.
I said no.
And I continued to say no until we left the shop.
I didn't get any remnant fabric to make a beach tee pee out of for the summer.
I didn't get to try on the three summery dresses I had picked up as we walked in.
I said no.
Again.
He asked and asked and asked why?
I told him that he knew I didn't like plastic, that it would break, that he would maybe use it for two Halloweens and then he would be too big or it would be too broken and then if would go in the rubbish and live in the earth for the rest of forever and I didn't believe in that.
Most times he agrees with me on this.
Until today.
He tried to convince me. He promised he'd use the bucket until he was an old man. He promised he wouldn't let it get broken. He promised that this plastic would be fine. He wanted the bucket. He needed the bucket.
I said no.
And this time, I stuck to it.
He started to cry when I paid for a train book for him instead. He started to really cry. I took the bucket out of his hands and I gave it to the woman at the counter.
He started to scream.
We left the shop and he was screaming at me and he was balling his eyes out.
He hit me in the leg. I raised my eyebrows. I got scary calm. I asked him if we hit people.
He screamed at me some more.
I made him sit at the wall outside the shop, in the middle of the street while he screamed.
Not crying.
Screaming.
After an eternal couple of minutes I got him up and bought some lunch. He screamed in that shop, too.
He got in the car, hitting me again on the way.
But he ate.
He kept crying.
And I drove my car.
Scary calm.
Things The Bean has said:
1. Touching a skin bump thing on my calf.
TB: Can you feel this?
Me: Yeah
TB: What is it?
Me: I dunno, it's just a bump of skin. Ninna's got one on her leg, too.
TB: It's all pumped up. It's like leg flat bread.
2.
Me: What have you been doing in the bathroom?
TB: Nothing.
Me: Go look at your face and your chest in the mirrir.
TB, walking off...
TB: I tried to wash it off!!!
Me: What is it?
TB: I dunno, your paint brush pencil thing.
Me: Where is it?
TB: Um... It was just here.
Me: Did you put it back in the drawer?
TB: I think it might be down the sink.
3.
Me: Take that ring off while you're in bed.
TB: Why?
Me: Because I don't want you to fiddle with it.
TB: I won't fiddle with it.
Me: You will. I just want you to fo to sleep.
TB: I won't fiddle with it, Mama. I don't even know what fiddle means.
4.
Me: I've been thinking, maybe one day we could go on a big long adventure around Australia. For a whole year. And you could take your skateboard.
TB: And my scooter?
Me: And your scooter.
TB: And my bed.
Me: No, not your bed. We'll be camping or in a kombi van or something.
TB: When?
Me: I dunno, maybe in a year or two.
TB: How about the end of the week?
5.
TB: I feel like I'm in a different world when I do travelling.
6. After donating to the CFA shaky tin guys at the traffic lights.
TB: Why did we give them money?
Me - very long lecture about the importance of CFA volunteers and why they're awesome and what risks they take and how their families have to do things without them.. And on.. And on..
TB: And they need food to eat.
Me: They definitely need food to eat. And it's good to donate to people so they can be so helpful and brave.
TB: Yeah. And the CFA needs lots of hoses.
7. Aspie Insight #1?
TB: When I get confused, question marks just swim around my head.
8. Aspie Insight #2? - After a second plan came home with him.
Me: Why do you need another plan for when Mark comes over? Don't you like it when Mark is here?
TB: I love it when Mark comes over.
Me: So why do you need another plan.
TB: This one will work. I need to stop being yucky to you.
Me: Thanks love. But do you know why you get silly and yucky?
TB: I get so excited and there's too much in my brain and my brain shrinks and plays with all the other brains and you and Mark are talking and I can't remember what you told me to do.
9. Aspie Insight #3? - Post Meltdown, Today.
Me: Are you ok to come with me to the green grocer now? Is your brain quiet and calm now.
TB: Yeah, it's asleep.
10. Aspie Insight #4? Tonight at bedtime.
TB: Do we have time to read a chapter from Charlotte's Web tonight?
Me: Nah, i think you just need to go to sleep, baby. When you have a big thing like what happened today, when you were crying and screaming, you need to have a big rest.
TB: Yeah.
Me: Are you ok now?
TB: Yeah, when my brain gets like that, it's like there's lots of kids running around in my head and poking my brain and playing.
Me: Like when your brain shrinks and plays with the other brains.
TB: No, they poke my big brain.
Me: Really?
TB: Yeah, and when you say 'no' or something bad happens it makes my big brain crazy. And those kids poking my brain poke your brain, too, and they make you crazy.
Me: Yeah... Good night, Beano, I'll eat you up I love you, so.
TB: I'll eat you up I love you so.
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