Not long after arriving another little guy was playing near me and within about 5 seconds I knew he was on the spectrum. He was making the same noise over and over again. He was flying a car around the perimeter of the back garden and he flew the car past my leg.
I introduced myself.
He ignored me.
I smiled, asked his name.
He didn't look at me. I told him I thought his car was cool.
His mum buzzed in. Coached him to speak to me. Told me his name was O and then promptly removed him from my company.
Which was fine. I felt patronising and condescending and wise and knowledgable and knew that she was on the same path as me.
Later, when Pass the Parcel was beginning, O's seat got taken by another little girl. He lost it. He cried. He shouted. He pointed at the little girl. He cried some more. His mum was dealing with him in tears, had O's baby sister on her hip, seemed flustered and on edge and embarrassed and placating and stressed and embarrassed. I was down at the little people level and asked O's mum if I could help. I asked O if he'd like to sit next to The Bean. The Bean promptly told me that he didn't want to play Pass the Parcel and went to play on the verandah with some toys. I told O that he could go play with The Bean if he liked, but O wanted to play. O wanted his seat back. It was his seat. The mother of the other girl removed her child, to placate O, but to her own daughter's tears.
I sat down on the verandah with The Bean and told had a chat to him about O. I told him that O was maybe a little bit like him. I said 'You know, how you've got Asperger's. Well maybe O's brain works similar to yours.' The Bean just nodded, said, 'Yeah'.
But then I felt like a nightmare busy body, and apologised to the mother a few minutes later. I said I shouldn't have stepped in, I was trying to help as The Bean has similar outbursts sometimes but that it wasn't my business. I apologised.
She replied, instead, with gratitude for my intervention. She said she'd heard me speaking about being a teacher, assuming, I guess, that that was where my knowledge had come from. I think it's just learning since having a Bean.
We had a quick chat, O's mum was aware of the things that made O 'different' and the stress that he suffered. She was flustered in that she had O's baby sister as well. I told her The Bean had done similar things, that The Bean sometimes reacted in similar ways. We talked a bit more. I didn't tell her that The Bean has Asperger's. It didn't seem necessary. But then The Bean came past.
Looking for snacks.
I then coached The Bean. I introduced O and told The Bean that O liked trucks the same way that The Bean likes Angry Birds (at the moment). I whispered to The Bean that he could ask O about his favourite trucks.
The Bean sat down, said hi to O, said his name was Harper. O's mum coached O on replying with the appropriate responses. The Bean asked O what his favourite truck was, O proceeded to do a demonstration of a monster truck around the garden. The Bean laughed.
Later when O was awkwardly trying to join in on the football handballing, when he was hugging kids he didn't know, when The Bean was helping his friend's sister with her new present I saw, literally, in front of my eyes how far my Bean has come.
He's still awkward with balls. He still can't ride a bike. He still needs his Mama to coach him on what to say when in social situations. But he's brave. He's hilarious. He joins in. He understands when I tell him as one of the big kids, he needs to look after the little kids. That's the responsibility of being older. We look after our friends and we help them. He cares when someone gets hurt (although he might awkwardly laugh at first, but, admittedly, I do that, too).
The Bean is eloquent even though he gets words mixed up. He uses 'infinity', 'definitely', 'ridiculous', 'conversation' and 'characters' correctly but he mixes up 'breakfast'. I know they're not tricky words, but he's six and even his vocabulary makes me proud. He doesn't really care how other people are, in the standard 'Hi, how are you?' convention. But when he asks me how my day was, un-coached, unprompted, I know he genuinely wants to know. When he remembers at night that I had something big or special or tricky to do that day, and he asks me how it went, I am filled with pride and heart sunshine.
And when he asks other kids about trucks because he knows they're a bit like him. When he genuinely tries to make them feel happy, despite the conventions and the expectations, but asking more questions about trucks.
I just want to burst.
Things The Bean has said:
1. Playing with his friend at Ninna and Papa's house #1:
On the scooters.
*Crash*
TB - from down the footpath: I'm all right, I was just using too much super power.
2. Placebo's new album has been playing in my car, on repeat, for a couple of weeks. I do that... The Bean has been singing a couple of songs around the place, too.
Brian Molko (singing): Look me in the eyes, say that again...
TB: Mama, if he did get locked in the ice, he'd be frozen.
3. At a friend's for dinner.
H (TB's friend) was pointing out at his family and Me and TB whether or not we ate like birds or ate like horses. When he'd finished...
TB: Sometimes birds eat like horses, you know.
4. On the iPad
Me: Can you please turn Angry Birds down.
TB: It's on three.
Me: Can you turn it down to two for a minute, please?
TB: Three is also two, two plus one.
5. Remembering my motivations.
Me: I'm going to go to yoga and then I'm going to do reading with you guys at school.
TB: Is your brain sore?
Me: Huh? No.
TB: Is your brain jiggly? Is that why you need to go to yoga?
Me: Oh, no, babe. Nah, I'm fine, but it's good to do things for your body and your brain before they get sore.
6. After the 7476th conversation about Angry Birds for the week...
TB: How many more sleeps until Christmas?
Me - finger counting: 43
TB:Oh, that's not much, everyone can count to 43!
7. Before the birthday party yesterday.
TB: Dairmuhd and Z's teddy are similar.
Me: Yeah, they are similar. But their fur is a bit different and Dairmuhd has writing on his feet and I think that Z's teddy is a girl.
TB: Of course it is!
Me: How do you know?
TB: It wears pink sunglasses.
Me: hahaha
TB: And Dairmuhd's a boy 'cause he likes dinosaurs.
8. Grilling.
TB: What's this open for?
Me: I'm making you toasted cheese.
TB: No you said cheese on toast!!
Me: It's the same thing.
TB: No it isn't, I don't want my cheese all rusted!
9. Playing with his friend at Ninna and Papa's house #2.
TB - drawing a chalk butterfly for Hannah.
TB: Once upon a time there was a butterfly and her name was Hannah..
See why I just want to burst?
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