Bathroom Confessional

(Warning: This blog does contain some toilet humour, if you are offended by such, please refrain from reading further - although, honestly, how many of you really thought that a blog about a mother of a three year old, and her three old, was going to be a poo free journey?!?!)

This is the blog entry that I'll get in trouble for publishing when a certain Bean is a teenager, and then probably again when a certain Bean turns twenty one.

"Mama, I need to go to the toilet!"
"Ok, babe."

The Bean runs to the toilet, the little butt sized toilet seat is heard crashing under the normal butt sized toilet seat (I'm saying normal, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!). The step to get the little butt onto the seat is heard scraping along the lino.

"Mama!"
"Yeah, babe?"
"Mama, can you come here please a second?" (Who does that sound like???)

Enter the now, and surprisingly quick, stinky bathroom/toilet section of our house.

"Mama, I've got crabs in my hair."

*Insert inappropriate Beavis and Butthead laugh*

Then I stop myself as this is inappropriate and clearly, not genital lice related at all.

"See?"

The Bean ruffles his clean hair. Clean except for the tomato sauce section above his left ear.

"Baby, you haven't got any crabs in your hair."
"Yeah, they're going to catch a train."
"Crabs live in the ocean. They don't catch trains."
"Mama, you can catch a train to the ocean."

I stand corrected.

"Mama?"
"Yes, Jelly Bean."
"I put my dangle in, see?"

(A 'dangle' is a penis, I can't call it a penis. I know I should. But it's such a clinical term. And well, since he was little, it always kind of dangled. And the reference to 'putting it in' is my attempt to convince him to watch where his dangle goes when he pees, to point it into the toilet, cause I'm pretty jack of cleaning mis-aimed boy wee off the floor already!)

"Excellent job, baby."
"But it's dark in there."
"It's ok, dangles don't need to see, do they?"
"Dangles can't see. They don't have eyes, or mouths or faces, too, do they, Mama?"

*Insert hahahahaha*

"No, they don't."



Things The Bean has said:

*Insert fart noise*

"Do you need to go to the toilet, babe?"
"No please, Mama."
"Are you sure?"
"It was just a fart."
"But maybe you should just go to the toilet, anyway."
"No please, Mama! It was just a poos being silly in my bottom."