a little thing about babies...

Very early this morning a very close friend of mine, gave birth to her very first baby. I am SO excited. I got a text message from her husband before my alarm went off and I can tell you which way I prefer to wake up!

I haven't visited yet, I have a cold, and 'they' tend not to look kindly on people who make babies sick. As another friend of mine would say, 'There's a special place in hell for people like that'.

I am SO excited.

And it has gotten me to thinking about the 'baby' thing. About the contemporary Western standing on having babies. On the books and the philosophies and the milestones and the Maternal Child Health Nurses and the mothers' groups and playgroups and activities and the off road prams and the rolling over and the eating solids and the breast feeding and the sleeping through the night and the sleeping in their cot and tummy time and cloth nappies and disposable wipes and anti-biotics and anti bacterial hand wash and dummies and formula and allergies and doing it all correctly.

And the pressure.

And I remember when The Bean was born, and how my life changed, literally, in an instant. How nothing else in the world mattered but him. But then the advice and the rules and the pressure set in and feeling that pressure to do it right because my personality tends to lend itself to believing things that other people say, in not necessarily always holding my own, or believing in myself. But when it comes to The Bean - I know best.

When it comes to our babies, we KNOW.

We know when they're tired. We know when they're hungry. We know when they want a cuddle, because it is usually when we want a cuddle. We know when they need a burp. We know when it's time to go to bed. Or time to get out of the house. They are people.

And sometimes we have no idea what's wrong. And sometimes, neither do they.

But we have always known, in our bodies, how to raise babies. We did this before there were books. Before the populace could read. Sometimes we got it wrong. Sometimes we get it wrong now, even with all the knowledge and the research and the getting rid of germs. In the majority of cases, our bodies can get our babies out into the world safely, but sometimes they can't. I'm not discouraging reading or knowledge or modern medicine. If not for the Romans, my son wouldn't have made it out alive. I am, however, encouraging calm, contentment and breathing it out, then figuring it out.

Some of the things that we are told when we are new parents are things we don't want to hear. Similar in vain to those 'on the nose' expressions when one turns 30/40/50 or one gets married or engaged. Some of the things we are told are not helpful. And although we know instinctively what to do, we tend to be given so much advice we start to listen to others instead to ourselves. I must stress, however, that this was my experience. Others, I'm sure, were listening to their guts and telling 'do-gooders' where to go from day one.

Some of the things people have said to me over the past four and a half years, however, have been wonderful. And if I had a very new little person, I'd like to ensure that someone wrote these things down, just in case...

* My boss, who has told me he is also prone to panic, suggested that there are only two things we need to remember in life when it all gets a bit too much.
1. Breathe in.
2. Breathe out.

* He 're-neg'ed on this statement thus;
Plan B: Panic.
Plan A: Never get to Plan B.

* We've been doing this forever, we are animals, you are an animal, you know how to do this.

* We are who we are. No book tells you how to be you, you are just you. Your baby is your baby, that is who they are.

* You can never give your baby too much love.

* Pick that baby up if you want to, we never left our babies alone 'in the old days'.

* No one else knows your baby like you do.

* When babies are about four weeks old, they give you their first smile. That smile is possibly designed biologically to get you through, because around the four week mark your very nearly ready to pack it all in.

* They don't break too easily, you'll get used to picking them up, changing their bums, feeding them, smooching their faces off, just don't be scared for too long.

* If it feels right, do it.

* Take on board what makes sense, let all of the rest fall by the wayside.

* It is scary, you'd be weird if you weren't scared. But you can do this.


I know my friends will make wonderful parents, because they are wonderful people. They are chilled and relaxed and calm and wonderful. I wish them all the happiness and excitement and tracksuit pants days to come, because glamour will be out the window for a little while, and baby smell and sleepless nights and finding time for a shower and snuggling and breast feeding and kisses and kisses and kisses until that very first smile.

And then the world has light in it that you never knew existed and that's some of the best stuff right there.



Things The Bean has said:
This morning on hearing the good news.

Me: Uncle M and Aunty L just had a baby girl!
TB: No, they are having a baby boy.
Me: I know you thought it was going to be a boy, but they had a girl, how exciting?!
TB: No, baby girls aren't any fun.
Me: Yes they are, baby girls are just as fun as baby boys.
TB: But they're not yummy. We can't eat baby girls.
Me: We don't eat babies. (*pause* I tend to say I want to 'eat' babies all the time) Well, maybe we do like to eat babies, but baby girls are just as yummy.
TB: Nah, they're not delicious.